Running in the Snow

I have just about had enough of waiting for the thaw. The thought of running on a treadmill at the gym struck dread in my heart! Today, I tested the ice and it was soggy so I decided to go for my usual run outside. Instead of pounding the lanes which would be quite dangerous, I opted for a run through Darland woods then across the golf course. I tested out my new thermal running tights which were fab, I must say, well worth the money!


It was lovely listening to the crunch of the snow underfoot, quite theraputic. I soon warmed up and removed my woolly hat. The snow came down gently and the landscape was so pretty. Not many animals around and the lake had totally frozen over!

I managed to run a mile which is nothing compared to what I was doing pre-cancer but hey, this body has done me proud........ it has been cut open, poisened and burned within an inch of its life, the sorry state of my veins are an example of that! Despite this, my body has continued to function, I am alive and I am getting fitter by the day. Pretty soon, I am hoping to be up to at least 5 miles a run which will total 20 miles per week! Watch this space!

The affects of the herceptin kicked in this afternoon and I felt a little nausious and had a dicky tummy but its over now for another 3 weeks!

Jason and I took the dogs out for a walk and I collected my friends dog along the way. I manage to set her alarm off in doing so because I punched in the wrong code and in my panic just didn't know what to do. Luckily she was able to answer the phone and put me right! Molly (my friends dog) was the only one to take a walk on the frozen lake.... phew! my heart was in my mouth!

My diet is going well so far! I am focused and determined to reach my goal, I have 2 stone to lose and I know I am fighting cancer drugs but I will do it because I never admit defeat! Again I say to you..... watch this space!

Now, what is on my grateful list today??????

1. I am grateful for a fab husband who, when we got up late today jumped into action and got the kids to school!

2. I am grateful for my health and faculties, I was able to run today and appreciate nature in its glory

3. I am grateful for my positive attitude which has got me through the hell that was 2009

4. I am grateful for my determined spirit because I will achieve my goals

5. I am grateful for my friends, without whom I just wouldn't be where I am today!



Tomorrow....... off to the Orthodontist at Chester City Hospital and he will want to know why I haven't been wearing my retainers and why I haven't got my teeth "prettied" up yet. Do I tell him or do I let him lecture me then tell him or do I let him lecture me and say nothing? I will let you know what happens tomorrow!

Herceptin Round 3

Harry pretending to be cold at Centre Parks just after we had seen Santa. The snow on the trees is fake!



Yesterday I had my third round of herceptin. My veins are officially shut down in my left arm now as the Sister canulated first time but could not get any blood out for my tests and when the saline started to go in my hand felt cold, then it started to ache and finally sting. The sister decided to remove the canula and put one into my compromised arm. This went in first time and with a minimum amount of pain. I have only had a sentinal node sweep plus the herceptin is not an irritant like chemo so I am happy for my compromised arm to be used.


The herceptin went in well and it was terrific to leave the Shooting Star Unit feeling normal. Many ladies came in after me for their herceptin. The drug is so expensive that they place all of the herceptin ladies together to minimise wastage.


I saw my oncologist yesterday as well and had a thorough check over. Not only does she check my breasts but also my stomach, back, lungs and heart. The oncologist shadowing her also noticed my mole on my back and checked that out too. When I told my oncologist what I was up to these days she was amazed and called me "super woman". There's nothing super about me though, I am just so happy to be alive and thoroughly enjoying life at the moment.


My running is going well and so far I am up to 24 mins of 1 min run, 2 mins walk. I feel good because I am able to de-stress and clear my mind. I didn't stretch out after my run yesterday so my calves were quite tight this morning. However, I took myself off to the pool, swam for 9 mins, power walked in water for 10 widths, aqua ran for 10 mins, stretched out for 5 then treated myself to the sauna and jacuzzi.


Everyone thinks my hair is cool but I just want to grow it, after having no hair it will be nice to have longer than a crop!

My Herceptin Date Pulled Forward!!!!!

The date for my first round of herceptin was 4th November 2009. That date suited me just fine because it meant a month off cancer treatment for me, also some extra weeks for my veins to recover. My Oncologist wasn't too impressed with that date and told me that she would "work on it". Secretly, I was hoping she would forget or wouldn't be able to do anything about it. I have not been so lucky, this morning I had an appointment through for next week, 14th October, the day before my little boys 11th birthday. Hopefully there will be no side effects so Joes day won't be spoilt!

I had managed to get a seasonal flu jab rescheduled for 15th October because I didn't want my flu jab before I started herceptin. I will forgo that date now and re-apply the old date of 3rd November. My doctor explained to me this morning that they have delayed the seasonal flu jab so that they can administer the swine flu jab at the same time.

Hmmmmmm Swine Flu Jab! The jury is still out on that one..... I am 80/20 per cent sure that I don't want the injection because it hasn't been tested thoroughly enough. It speaks volumes when 60% of nurses are refusing the jab!! I just feel that my poor body has been through enough this last year!

Last year, I was attacked badly by a German Shepherd dog whilst out running. I had to have a tetanus injection and 2 weeks later when I went for my asthma check, the nurse persuaded me to have the pneumonia jab...... result...... celulitus. So you see, I don't have much faith in jabs!

So, I am a bit hacked off to say the least, I was hoping for a cancer treatment free month. I felt liberated and free even if it was just for a while. Now, next week, I will be back to the bump and grind of cancer treatment. Ah well......

MY LAST ROUND OF CHEMO WAS TODAY - WHOOP! WHOOP!

This is the cake I had made for the staff at Wrexham's Shooting Star Unit where I have received my chemotherapy. I ordered it from a local shop called "Sugar and Spice" on Charles Street www.sugarandspice-wrexham.co.uk and he did me proud! Don't let the white icing deceive you, underneath there lies a CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!!!!!!! I had the words of Mike Peters on the cake www.thealarm.co.uk "Love, Hope, Strength" because that is how I cope with my fight.

Can you hear the happiness in my voice? Can you hear it as my fingers dance lively across my keyboard?

My last round of chemo is over! Done, gone, gone forever! Hurray!

My nurse was Sarah and she is so lovely, well they all are! She tried to get a line in my compromised arm but for some reason, failed. The vein they had used last week was still badly bruised. She checked out my other arm and the veins were pretty useless so rather than traumatise me like last week, she called the doctor and he managed to get a line in. Not as gently as most of the nurses I must say, but at least it was in.

Sarah suggested that given my situation I may like to consider a port for my herceptin. She said that my oncologist doesn't normally do ports but she would talk to the doctor and it could be a possibility. I will not deny it because my veins are small and this has been a nightmare.

Sarah was so kind, she pushed the drugs in very slowly so it didn't hit me like a truck like last week. Consequently, I am not feeling as bad as I did this time last week; then I got home and spent the next 24 hours lieing in bed! At least I have felt well enough to lounge around in my PJ's. My tummy hurts so much and my arms and legs are weak but I think my elation of finishing chemo is helping keep the side effects to a minimum.

We went to Sainsburys for a bite to eat post chemo which was nice. We both had the mega all day breakfast which consisted of; 2 eggs (I gave one to Jason), 2 sausages (I gave one to Jason), bacon, mushrooms, tomatoes, beans and chips (fries for you Americans reading this). Yummy!

So my friends....... this chapter is closed and the next one is opening. I just want to thank you all; my friends and family for sticking by me, for all the positive comments which has kept my fire burning. I thank Mike Peters of The Alarm for his inspirational music, which, on my darkest days have helped me to renew the fight.

On a final note..... I thank my brothers Peter and Gareth for being my brothers. Peter and I now share a day in the year......10th September for different reasons. His day took him away from us, my day keeps me with everyone but he is always with me in spirit. I put sunflowers on his grave today post chemo, he was like a sunflower for me... Tall, Strong, Straight and like the sun he shone and will always shine in my heart........

Eye Tests are an Education!

My eyes have been troubling me over the last few months and when I started having splodges in front of my eyes when reading, I decided that I was due for an eye test.

So I telephoned my wonderful optician Mr Seys Llywelyn and made my appointment.

Mr Llywelyn is dyslexic and he is the most interesting person I have ever met. He gives you a thorough test but stops to chat as well. Sadly, he is retiring this year so I will have a hard job finding someone of his calibre.

He asked me if I had neck problems, I confirmed that I did and he told me that it was the neck problems causing the splodges. He explained that we have 4 veins supplying the brain and 2 of them travel through the bone. When on chemo your veins are narrowed so the supply is lessened. That, together with tiredness and movement / position of your head can cause the supply to lessen even more. This probably accounts for the headaches I experience when running.

The tinitus I have been suffering, the chills, the eye sight problems are all down to the chemo's effect on my blood supply. Once I am through with chemo, these side effects will disappear. There was me thinking it was nerve damage! He also confirmed that I do have small veins which has an added effect on my system.

Good news is that I was negative for glaucoma and apart from the chemotherapy I am a very healthy person!

I prepared him for Harry's appointment on Friday, he will need preparing!!!! I, in the meantime, will find myself a decent chiropracter to sort my neck out once and for all. After all, once September ends I will be running again and I don't want to be compromised in any way!!!!

Nearly all Over - Happy Wedding Anniversary!

Above is a picture of my teal nail polish (don't look at the dust!). Teal toe nails to raise awareness of Ovarian Cancer. Painted toe nails willl follow. I purchased that after chemo today.

As I sit here, I am ready to fall asleep. Chemo has started to have its affect on me. It wasn't a good day for me today. My veins had shut down. They could get a canula in but they couldn't push it further enough for chemo. In the end the decision was made to use my "affected" arm but at that point I was practically begging them to do that anyway. So the visit took longer than usual, was more painful and it upset me more than I can say. Little did I know 15 years ago as I made my vows before God and Vicar David that I would be having chemo in my fight against cancer. This time 15 years ago we were having our photographs taken....

The wild flowers which Harry brought for me. He even found the jug and put them by my bed. You see there the teal nail polish - Ovarian Cancer Awareness. He is such a thoughtful child. I told him I had chemo today and he couldn't understand that I had to have medicine to make me ill, to make me better! Logic.

Penny; Harrys Russian Dwarf Hamster. He yes I know, Penny is technically a girls name BUT Harry wanted to call him this because when he had him he was as tiny as a penny piece, anywat, Penny is only tiny and is quite old in hamster terms. He was destined for Harry as he knows no fear. The other night, Harry told me he loved me more than anything in the whole world...... and Penny but he loved me more than Penny. So there you are, I am ranked in with a Russian Dwarf Hamster!

So.... I am not feeling too good today, not a good experience but next week will be the last. However, I am happy to have had 15 happy years of marriage to my wonderful husband who has supported me throughout this awful war against cancer.

My New Wellies

As you all know, I was missing my boys this morning as they went to school today. I went to the hospital to get my bloods done. I was so nervous because my veins feel like pencils, they are so hard and it hurst. I told the nurse doing this and, bless her heart, she took the blood from a slightly different place and under the skin. The result was that it didn't hurt, just a prick like the old blood tests used to be before breast cancer. People like this through their kindness make such a huge difference to our lives.

After I got my bloods done I decided to go to the Country Store to look for some new wellies. I did buy some pretty pink, flowery ones but they weren't too comfortable for walking in. My last pair of Huntresses went a few months back because after years of use, the soles had worn thin. I managed to purchase a nice pair. Traditional green as before although now you can get them in all sorts of colours; red, blue, pink, purple. I think green is good.

I got some mince for tea and make a spagetthi bolonase (wrong spelling I know), something that the boys would enjoy!

Picking up time at school and right on schedule, the heavens opened! Always at 3pm if it is going to rain, it will rain then! Luckily, I was met by smiling faces. Harry informed me that I needed to go and see his teacher but "it wasn't bad". She seems to think that Harry may have eye sight problems because he is squinting when he works. Eye test duly booked.

Dental checks after school - all ok! Sweets from sweet shop as promised this morning and home. So far..... (touch wood)...... no melt downs!

Now Harry has found the biggest spider in the house and has made a box to put him in. I have told him "NO" Fred is a house spider and he doesn't want t live outside. He is now sitting next to me saying "If you love Fred, you don't love me..." "I wanted to keep him in the box..... no HARM would happen..." Poor Fred, he may become a casualty of meltdown. I hope not, I rather like him. Distraction tactics required.....

Bank Holiday Weekend

I took the above flower picture for COLOUR CARNIVAL. The flowers are at my mums house and I think that the colours are divine!

It was a bank holiday weekend this time, so we all have an extra day together which is nice. Jason fitted our new garden gate which is solid wood. We have been meaning to do this for years and at last it is done. It means that we have more privacy and the dogs won't be able to see through it and bark lots. Well done Jason!

The boys went riding on Saturday and then on to the Glyn Ceiriog Horse Show where Eleri did well on her pony Ernie. I stayed at home because I was feeling so tired and it was nice to be able to chill for a bit. I must admit that I did pay a brief visit to the Grosvenor Garden Centre to purchase an anniversary card for Jason.

Sunday was a home day but was topped off well with a party at our neighbours house. We were dancing on their decking - such a cool night even in the rain! I wished I had taken some photographs.

Sunflower taken at my mums house

Today we have just been chilling. Harry made me some breakfast which consisted of two pieces of toast with marmite, crisps and an apple!

My veins are nice and ripe at the moment, ready for more chemo on Thursday. Only two more sessions to go now so I hope and pray that my veins don't let me down.

I Feel Like I have Lost a Year of My Life

I do, I really do!

I look back on 2009 from the date I found the lump in January, through all my treatment and the fact that I won't start feeling myself until the new year and it upsets me because my entire world has been turned upside down.

.At this point; I know I should be grateful. Grateful that I found the lump and it hadn't spread and I am having treatment and I am alive but I feel as though I was FORCED onto a roller coaster ride I didn't want to go on and my life has run away with me. Roller coasters make you feel YUK so I think its a fairly good description of life as a cancer fighter

:0( No running

:0( No swimming

:0( No dog grooming business although some of my customers have been incredibly loyal

:0( I have missed out on so much fun with my kids; zoo trips, camping, riding........

:0( So tired all of the time I hate having to choose what activity I will do today

:0( Missed a great Take That Tribute party on 13th Feb when I was being sliced open

:0( Missed out on trips away with my friend

:0( Didn't get that family holiday abroad we were longing for

Ooooooh I could go on and on and on and on and on and on

Sorry I am being a bit moany today but sometimes being a Cancer Fighter makes me cross!

Orphan the Movie and PIZZA

Last night, as the children were staying over at my mums house, we took the opportunity to go to the pictures to see ORPHAN. I love a good horror movie and this was brilliant. It was scarey, tense and kept me on the edge of my seat throughout the showing. It was a great film to take my mind off chemo tomorrow. Much better than sitting at home worrying about things I can't control!

We went to Franky's and Bennys for supper afterwards and even though I need to lose weight, I thought "what the heck" and ordered a glass of red wine with a California Pizza. Basically it was a thin crust pizza with chicken, ham and salsa topping - devine!!!

I didn't phone to check on the children because Harry has a habit of suddenly turning from a happy child to a miserable one in a second, asking to come home, pulling on those big heart strings of mine. Harry knows exactly how to play me, my mum always says "he plays you like a fine violin!" - she is right!

Joe on the other hand is my sunshine boy, always happy, always smiling and always reassuring, a great boy. He is so kind, thoughtful and logical, he would always put my mind at rest. Anyhow, I know that they are in good hands, having midnight feasts, late night explorations to the park land, playing "pooh sticks" on the bridge.....

So...... chemo today.

Numbing gel smeared all over my hands...... plastics doctor gloves on....... and pray, pray, pray with all my heart those veins come up today!

My Fukitol Has Arrived!

Regular readers know that my veins are really suffering because of chemo and canulas, I was advised to do hand exercises so decided to purchase a stress ball. I couldn't resist this stress ball which arrived from Amazon UK today. I can do my "vein" exercises with a smile on my face!!!





Mike Peters The Stand

I had to share this video of Mike Peters performing "The Stand" in New York the other day. Amazing. The Stand is based on the book of the same name by Stephen King. This guy is a Cancer Survivor a Cancer Fighter - he never ceases to amaze me! His strength, courage, determination - my rock!

Last night I watched "Haunting in Connecticut" - mistake in my current situation!

I thought it was a good old horror movie, which I love and it was but I didn't bargain for the main heroes being cancer fighters. It portrayed cancer and its treatment in its worst way. For me, I had mixed emotions as the reverand in the film told the boy "we are walking in the shadow of death" and "we are on the edge of death" - I have never thought of this in my cancer fight, I don't feel as though I am "walking in the valley of death", I don't feel as though my life is under attack! Should I? Am I fooling myself? Or is it a safety mechanisim kicking in and the reality will hit me when my treatment is over? Who knows? Who cares? Fukitol, I am enjoying life!

On a final note; the post man who delivers my post every day is funny. A young, fit and healthy lad, he runs his rounds! I used to run past him, now I just answer the door in my dressing gown and with my bald head. He has his hair graded really short and its the same colour as mine so when I answered to door to get my FUKITOL, I asked him "have I got more than you then?" and we both had a genuine laugh!

I am having a Fat Day

Today, I am mostly having a fat day! I am feeling fat, bloated and down right ugly!

My hand and arm are still bruised from the canulas, I have been taking arnica and rubbing arnica cream into the area and that does seem to have helped. I have ordered a stress ball from Amazon UK called fukitol - quite funny really. I am going to use that to exercise my left arm and try to get some decent veins for my next round of chemo in 10 days time.

I had a nice day today though. Spent some time blogging and face booking then shot off into Wrexham town to take some photographs for Fridays Shoot Out - Outside Food. A bit difficult in our country because it always seems to rain but I have taken some interesting photos.

My Olympus camara is quite old for a digital these days so on my birthday / christmas list I am going to ask for an updated version. I would like one that can zoom in so that I can get closer shots if I desire. My camara is adequate for now and I am pleased with the pictures taken.

Had a cup of tea with my friends Fran and Ceri which was really pleasant. Frans son Oliver is 3 years old and is a real handful, reminded me what Harry was like 5 years ago! He pretended to be a tortoise and then transformed into a friendly cat. I love Oliver, he is really entertaining and just a lovely little boy.

So, still feeling fat, thoroughly hating my reflection and praying for each day to pass taking me ever nearer to the end of my treatment. I am always told not to wish my life away but that is what I seem to be doing these days..... September 10th cannot come quick enough..... last chemo session and 19 years to when my brother died - what an emotional day that will be.

Was a bit sad because I thought my neighbours had gone away for a few weeks but it seems it was a long weekend. Ding Dong the Witch is Back, Ding Dong the wicked Witch is back.... Really shouldn't sing that but the person in question has been so mean to me, even posted a photo on face book wearing a scarf and pulling a face...... I leave you to draw your own conclusions my friends.....

My poor arm :0(

The bruising from the bad canula experience has come out today. The camara doesn't pick it up very well, but this is the underside of my wrist. It is quite swollen as well.

You can't quite see the bruising on the surface either but its there along with the puncture wounds. They can't use the vein next to my little finger because it is too badly scarred after the second lot of Epi-Ruebison (I can never spell that!). They used a surface vein in the end which wasn't too nice because I could really feel the chemo going in. Apparently I have small veins because I am a small person! Not good news when you face four more rounds of canulised chemo and a year of herceptin via a canula.

However, it is not all gloom and doom!!!!!

Here is what I am going to do to overcome this problem;

* increase massage to the arm both in the shower and applying cream

* massage to the arm during the day while I remember!

* make fists regularly throughout the day

* get some arnica tablets to help with bruising

AND: as you can see by my hair picture - my hair is growing!

Sess 4/12 Thank you Fellow Bloggers (Friends)

I just wanted to say thank you for all of your kind comments and support, not just after yesterdays blog but through out this journey so far. You are all helping me with my fight and I wanted you all to know just what a difference you are making to my life.

The pills the doctor gave me (taken 4 times per day) are working and the discomfort is not so intense now. Things still are not as they should be but I will go to see my own doctor this week and discuss a long term plan of action while I am having chemo.

I have the same problem as Stephanie with fruit because I get chronic heartburn for which I am on medication. I always take a prebiotic supplement which helps but I think I am just going to have to work my way through this and when chemo ends, this problem will too. I will try the linseeds though. I was advised agains suppositories because of the risk of infection. Apparently the chemo attacks the delicate linings of your body so the risk is higher if you start fiddling!

I noticed two indentations in my arm yesterday, just above my elbow, they seem to come and go but must be something to do with my veins and how chemo is affecting them. I know alot of you guys have ports or picc lines but I have a canula inserted each time I go for chemo. The drill is to put your hands in a bowl of hot water and pray that your veins come up!! The last two rounds have been placed into a vein in my wrist which isn't pleasant. Then comes the heated wrap placed around your arm so that when the chemo goes in, your veins don't shut down.

I have also noticed little thread veins appearing on my arm, nobody else would know they were there but I do. There are a cluster of brown marks around the inner elbow too which look like bruises and on my hand, you can actually see the veins are bruised internally.

Sorry, me talking about the state of my veins isn't a very interesting blog but I thought I would share it with you because this is a side effect most of you won't get. I start CMF on 11th June which isn't supposed to irritate the veins as much, this is a good thing really because I get two rounds within a week of each other!

Happy days!

I HAVE ADDED A VIDEO TOOL BAR TO THE END OF MY PAGE AND THERE ARE SOME BRILLIANT CLIPS FROM MIKE PETERS, THE ALARM AND LOVE HOPE STRENGTH FOUNDATION. HOPEFULLY YOU CAN FIND OUT MORE ABOUT MIKE AND WHY HE IS SUCH AN INSPIRATION TO ME WITH MY OWN FIGHT WITH CANCER. ENJOY!

Session 2 of 12: BALD PATCH!

Bald Patch - yes, thats what my 7 year old calls me now! He calls it me in such a matter of fact way as though it were mum or mummy. He is autistic so he tells you what he sees.... fact! Now my mum thinks it is upsetting for him to call me that but I don't think it is. He is giving me an affectionate name, one which represents what I am at the moment and he is right..... I am a bald patch.

I am not looking forward to chemo on Thursday because my veins are so sore. I thought they would have got better by now but they haven't. I go for my blood tests tomorrow.... I can't imagine what it will be like.

I was asked what my favourite songs were yesterday and why. There are two which you may want to look up if you are a cancer fighter like me. The first is "Without a Fight" by The Alarm and the second is "Love, Hope and Strength" by The Alarm. I have been big fans of theirs for 24 years, look at my earlier blog for what Mike Peters is doing and information on the Love, Hope Strength Foundation. The words sum up how I feel on this journey, and they should too because he has fought cancer twice so he knows the score!

I am looking forward to posting my first SPIRIT JUMP off tomorrow, the package is ready, I just need to get down to the post office then I will imagine in my head, the pleasure it will bring and when I imagine that... I will feel a warm glow in my heart which will get me through my chemo on Thursday.

Session 2 of 12: Off to hospital.......AGAIN

I had my last round of chemo on 9th April and all was fine then a few days ago, the vein in which they put the canula starting hurting, like a bruise but there is no bruise there, its just slightly swollen and achey sore. I phoned up the hospital and I have to go in for them to check it out. What a pain, what a pain, what a pain!