Loss and Poetry

Yesterday, I posted some sad news, the loss of an old friend and in such a tragic way. I had lots of comments but one in particular from someone who has experienced a recent loss.

I lost my big brother 19 years ago in a car crash, he was only 25. Not a day goes by without me thinking of him and most days they are good and happy thoughts. Occasionally though something will trigger me off and my heart breaks all over again.

With the losses I have experienced in life, I have always turned to poetry. Indeed, I sent one of my favourite poems to a cancer fighter carer who had just lost his wife to cancer as part of the Spirit Jump programme and I was overwhelmed by the reply I received from the gentlemans daughter who told me that once her father had read the poem, he was able to open up and grieve.

I want to share the poems with you.

Indian Prayer (Anon)

When I am dead
Cry for me a little
Think of me sometimes
But not too much.
Think of me now and again
As I was in life
At some moments, it's pleasnat to recall
But not for long.
Leave me in peace
And while you live
Let your thoughts be with the living


Farewell by Anne Bronte

Farewell to Thee! But not farewell
To all my fondest thoughs of Thee;
Within my heart they still shall dwell
And they shall cheer and comfort me.

Life seems more sweet that Thou didst live
And men more true that Thou wert one;
Nothing is lost that Thou didst give
Nothing Destroyed that Thou hast done.

Poetry Heals

I find solace in poetry, it has helped me through many a difficult time. As part of the Spirit Jump programme I was so sad to hear of the loss of one of the jumpees to whom I had just sent a spirit jump. I followed this up with a card of condolenct together with one of my favourite poems which comforted me greatly following my brothers death in 1990.



An Indian Prayer (Anon)

When I am dead
Cry for me a little
Think of me sometimes
But not too much,
Think of me now and again
As I was in life
At some moments it's pleasant to recall
But not for long.
Leave me in peace
And I shall leave you in peace
And while you live
Let your thoughts be with the living.

I was touched beyond belief to receive the most beautiful card from the family and I was told how much this poem meant to their father, that it healed him over night. I am so privelaged to have been able to transform a life with a simple gesture.

So listen to this. Gossip, nasty words, deeds can impact greatly on a life in such a negative way. Driving a nail deeper and deeper into the ground. Please don't choose this way of life. Don't gossip, don't relish in other peoples misery...... Instead, I beg you to do the opposite. Smile, give compliments, make a positive difference to someones day.

Throughout my fight with cancer, the text messages, face book messages, blogging messages, cards and word of mouth messages are what has kept me going. YOU reading this will have given one of those messages and I want YOU to know what a tremendously positive impact YOU have had on my life and for that I thank you.

Session 2 of 12: BALD PATCH!

Bald Patch - yes, thats what my 7 year old calls me now! He calls it me in such a matter of fact way as though it were mum or mummy. He is autistic so he tells you what he sees.... fact! Now my mum thinks it is upsetting for him to call me that but I don't think it is. He is giving me an affectionate name, one which represents what I am at the moment and he is right..... I am a bald patch.

I am not looking forward to chemo on Thursday because my veins are so sore. I thought they would have got better by now but they haven't. I go for my blood tests tomorrow.... I can't imagine what it will be like.

I was asked what my favourite songs were yesterday and why. There are two which you may want to look up if you are a cancer fighter like me. The first is "Without a Fight" by The Alarm and the second is "Love, Hope and Strength" by The Alarm. I have been big fans of theirs for 24 years, look at my earlier blog for what Mike Peters is doing and information on the Love, Hope Strength Foundation. The words sum up how I feel on this journey, and they should too because he has fought cancer twice so he knows the score!

I am looking forward to posting my first SPIRIT JUMP off tomorrow, the package is ready, I just need to get down to the post office then I will imagine in my head, the pleasure it will bring and when I imagine that... I will feel a warm glow in my heart which will get me through my chemo on Thursday.

Session 2 of 12: Pinch Me!

I had a good and bad weekend this weekend.

Saturday was brilliant, I was tired but my mother in law came over and that gave my husband and I time to "escape" and have some time together. She brought me a beautiful Pandora bead for my bracelet so now I have the breast cancer bead, Love Hope Faith and this ball of hearts. I have promised myself a bead at every vital stage of my treatment, something to keep me going hey? Thank you to my dear friend Jan who gave me the bracelet and first bead to start with!

Sunday wasn't so good. I was tired and all the kids from the neighbourhood came over to play with my guineapigs. I don't mind at all because I love the children and its nice to see them enjoying my lovely animals but after 5 hours, and my youngest son Harry being in a devil of a mood, I had enough. One of the kids even let herself into the garden and house while I was in bed and managed to break my dog garden ornament!! I was not happy at all.

I don't know what was wrong with H. He finds it hard to understand the world and deal with people and occasionally he hits "melt down" and that is when he becomes frustrated and starts to behave inappropriately. Other parents think he is naughty, and it does look that way but it is his way of dealing with autism in an non-autistic world.

Today was better. Took Wilbur dog training and had a wonderful session. I managed to take time out to admire a Woodpecker, a Robin and a host of Swallows flying close to the ground in a field full of horses. Nature is truly amazing.

My sons hamster, Spangles is not well. She has a womb infection and her chances of survival don't look good. She has had antibiotics and I have helped him to clean her up and now only time will tell....

The reason why I called this post "Pinch Me" is because that is how I feel. I have to keep pinching myself to realise that this is actually happening to me, I am fighting cancer. I find it truly unbelievable.

My Running World magazine came today and I felt a pang of loss. Also hearing my friends talk about the Race For Life in aid of cancer research and hearing Cazza telling us about her 10K in Balmoral, Scotland. I do feel envy because I should have done my first 10K on St Davids Day (Dydd Gwyl Dewi Sant) 1st march and I should be doing the BUPA Manchester 10K this weekend followed by the Race for Life in June..... its not fair is it? However, I focus on the end of treatment and then I can start again....

I am sending my first SPIRIT JUMP out tomorrow! Got my email today and there is something theraputic about thinking of other people and not yourself. This is for a little one year old girl and I have bought her a little rag doll, hope she likes it.......