Road Traffic Collision

Yesterday I had an RTC - a road traffic collision! They used to call it RTA - Road Traffic Accident but the word accident had "implications" re blame etc so they changed it to collison.

We were cycling home from Cola, Harry was in front of me because I have to keep a close eye on him. Cycling behind Harry is precarious enough as it is and last night... he got me. We were almost home and suddenly he swerved out in front of me and caught my front tyre. There was nothing I could do to stop myself so the bike fell and I skidded on the tarmac.

I lay there startled for a bit and Harry started getting upset, he wanted me to get up and off the road in case a car came and squashed me so he said, so he helped me get up. No damage to my bike, Harrys plastic mud guard was snapped off and all I can say is that it was a good job that I was wearing my riding jacket because I scraped and bruised my elbow and hip and blood was seeping through my jeans at the knee. Nothing major it just means that I will be more achey for a few days and of course I was badly shaken.

The fall really messed up my mojo but what messed with it even more was the fact that I discovered that I had lost my weight watchers pedometer. The boys and I searched and searched but it was gone. It sounds really daft, but the pedometer is what has got my weight loss going and since I had it I lost half a stone so I became really down and started to think about comfort food.......

However, my weight watchers leader is a friend on facebook and I contacted her and as a result I was able to call at her house to buy a new pedometer and she discounted it for me. It gave me my mojo back and I stopped thinking about comfort food.

In addition to this, Harry and his little friends hatched a plan to sell their unwanted DVD's to raise money to buy me a new pedometer.

So it was a nasty do but goodness and kindness came out of it in the form of those I care about helping me.

On another note, thank you for your support on my changing my blog. Hopefully I will get it up and running in a few days and I already have an idea for a final post on Cancer Ain't Gonna Beat Me.

In the Pink Again!

Pictures courtesy of Google Search


I have not blogged for a week mainly because I have been in a bad place. Those of you who read my previous blog will probably have guessed this. I have been coming to terms with the fact that once chemo was done with all the side effects would be done with too. Now, I have accepted this and have made steps to work with it.

I had a "taster" session with a nutritionalist who checked me for vitamin deficiencies and I came up as being short of folic acid, B6 and B10. Funnily enough, B6 is a vitimin required for turning food to energy. I have bought some supplements along with some Metatone tonic because it is that time again.

I arranged to have some healing Reiki and that was done today. Some of my chakras were not working and others were spinning out of control. My friend re-alined my chakras and the reiki was great.

I felt warmth traveling from my neck into my head and shoulders then down through my back and pelvis. The warmth then turned to tingling which was kind of like an energy pulsing around my body. When the Reiki was finished I felt so relaxed, positive and energised.

So as a result of these things, these minor adjustments I have made in my life, I am back to being in the pink again. I am feeling positive, in control and up beat.

My nails ARE going to grow back strong and I AM going to lose that weight!

My Special Rock Garden

I collect stones from the beach when I visit. I don't choose a stone for its shape, I just let the stone draw me to it. I decided to decorate my front door step with the stones and painted them with uplifting words and sentences.

I then decided that I would paint the names of my friends who are fighting or have fought cancer. The idea is that as I cross over the threshold of my house each day (a few times a day) I see my friends names and my thoughts and prayers go out to them.

If you cannot see your name on a stone and you would like me to put your name on one then please let me know by leaving a comment. Barry Fraser, there is a stone with your name on it, it is small and white and I don't think it was captured in the shot.

I find painting the stones very theraputic. I don't know what colours I will use or what I will paint until I feel the stone in my hand.

Several friends have commented on my stones and how pretty they make the door step look and I have explained to them the reason for my particular rock garden.

If I come home feeling sad or angry, I just glance down at my stones as I turn the key in my door and I am reminded that I am surrounded by love, family, friends, hope, faith and strength.

PS: you see the Race for Life badge on my blog? I am doing the 2010 Race for Life in May for Cancer Research. I would appreciate sponsorship and this can be done online by following the link. Please help me to realise my vision of the future where all cancers are treatable.

Running in the Snow

I have just about had enough of waiting for the thaw. The thought of running on a treadmill at the gym struck dread in my heart! Today, I tested the ice and it was soggy so I decided to go for my usual run outside. Instead of pounding the lanes which would be quite dangerous, I opted for a run through Darland woods then across the golf course. I tested out my new thermal running tights which were fab, I must say, well worth the money!


It was lovely listening to the crunch of the snow underfoot, quite theraputic. I soon warmed up and removed my woolly hat. The snow came down gently and the landscape was so pretty. Not many animals around and the lake had totally frozen over!

I managed to run a mile which is nothing compared to what I was doing pre-cancer but hey, this body has done me proud........ it has been cut open, poisened and burned within an inch of its life, the sorry state of my veins are an example of that! Despite this, my body has continued to function, I am alive and I am getting fitter by the day. Pretty soon, I am hoping to be up to at least 5 miles a run which will total 20 miles per week! Watch this space!

The affects of the herceptin kicked in this afternoon and I felt a little nausious and had a dicky tummy but its over now for another 3 weeks!

Jason and I took the dogs out for a walk and I collected my friends dog along the way. I manage to set her alarm off in doing so because I punched in the wrong code and in my panic just didn't know what to do. Luckily she was able to answer the phone and put me right! Molly (my friends dog) was the only one to take a walk on the frozen lake.... phew! my heart was in my mouth!

My diet is going well so far! I am focused and determined to reach my goal, I have 2 stone to lose and I know I am fighting cancer drugs but I will do it because I never admit defeat! Again I say to you..... watch this space!

Now, what is on my grateful list today??????

1. I am grateful for a fab husband who, when we got up late today jumped into action and got the kids to school!

2. I am grateful for my health and faculties, I was able to run today and appreciate nature in its glory

3. I am grateful for my positive attitude which has got me through the hell that was 2009

4. I am grateful for my determined spirit because I will achieve my goals

5. I am grateful for my friends, without whom I just wouldn't be where I am today!



Tomorrow....... off to the Orthodontist at Chester City Hospital and he will want to know why I haven't been wearing my retainers and why I haven't got my teeth "prettied" up yet. Do I tell him or do I let him lecture me then tell him or do I let him lecture me and say nothing? I will let you know what happens tomorrow!

Being Grateful

Image is courtsey of google search engine

I read a magazine article recently which suggests that by writing down 5 things you are grateful each day for when you wake up, makes you a happier and more content person.

I am always ready to try anything which might have a positive outcome so I did that this morning and I will share them with you today;

1. I am grateful for not drinking wine last night, I feel so much better this morning as a result.

2. I am grateful because Harry is getting better, he was so poorly yesterday with a high temperature and I found it really distressing.

3. I am grateful for being alive, that my lumpectomy was a success. Scars? Doesn't matter because I am alive to see Joseff and Harry growing up.

4. I am grateful for having such a sensible son in Joseff. He is so good, takes everything in his stride. I wish I could split my time more evenly. Harry takes so much of my attention.

5. I am grateful to be able to "SEE" because without my sight I would miss so much.

I won't give you a daily report on my 5 things I am grateful for each day because they will probably end up being mostly the same!

New Year and a New Me!

....... well not quite!



I have started back on my Weight Watchers diet today and I am waiting for my ASDA Home Delivery to bring me all of my healthy food choices. I scrolled through the weight watchers recipe page and selected a whole range of recipes, made my shopping list and did it online! By doing things this way I am hoping to cut my grocery budget, cut down on food waste and try some new foods. I will probably post some of the recipes online and let you know whether or not they were a success.


Jason is at work and the children are off school until Tuesday so my window of opportunity for exercise is limited! I was given a Wii Fit for my birthday but I am a bit of a mentally driven exercisor, I need to be away from my home environment and I need to be totally focused on what I am doing. When in the gym I am not one of those people looking for a social, I am totally "in the zone" - its the only thing that works for me.


So having a few weeks of eating rubbish I am ready for this new start, I am looking forward to achieving my targets set for this year.

Its raining but not in my soul

I am so happy to say that my hair is considerably longer than it is on this picture taken a couple of months ago! Even long enough to say I have had a "bad hair day".


The rain is pouring outside, puddles are huge, everything is soaked right through. So much for Guy Fawkes celebrations, theres no way I am going to a bonfire party when this amount of rain is falling!

However, in my heart the sun is blazing and the sky is blue because today, I lost one and a half pounds at my weight watchers weigh in. That coupled with the fact that I swam for the first time since my diagnosis yesterday and running is feeling good..... I feel as though I am taking control of my life once again and it is the most wonderful feeling in the entire world!

I had news of my big surprise the other day too and pretty soon I will have a delivery date for it! Watch this space!

The Time of my Life

* I am still unable to view my blog and others while away. I will continue to try to gain access so that I can visit you, my friends but please be patient with me.

I have just finished reading the autobiography of Patrick Swayze and Lisa Niemi. It was fantastic. I have been a huge fan of his since he starred in North and South but the reason I admired him so much was because of his love and devotion to his wife, Lisa.

Reading his story, I found him similar to myself in lots of ways apart from one and that is going to change. He always followed his dream and worked through pain and injury in his strive to achieve his goals.

I read this book at a time when the anti cancer drugs I am on have caused my fingers to swell and I am battling with my weight. I was thinking of stopping Tamoxifen until reading about Patrick Swayzes life and I felt reinvigorated in my war with cancer.

I am going to leave you with some of my favourite quotations from this book.

Page 21 " Failure was simply not an option, so from that point on I just refused to even let that thought enter my head"

Page 150 " You might not realize it at the time but the struggle to achieve something is, in many ways, much more satisfying than actually getting it. The very act of striving is what keeps you alive, and it keeps you grounded"

Page 203 " When those you love die, the best you can do is honor their spirit for as long as you live. You make a commitment that you're going to take whatever lesson that person or animal was trying to teach you, and you make it true in your own life."

Page 222 "Everybody fails in life, but its when you cant pick yourself up after failure that you're in trouble"

Second Wind!

My lovely blogging friends, I am so sorry I haven't been around much this last week, I have been busy "filling my boots". I hadn't realised just how ill I have been until I started to feel better and now I can't believe how I have got through the last 9 months!

I have been enjoying lots of long walks with my dogs, its funny how once you have faced your own mortality, you notice the beauty in life and the way each day changes the landscape. I love seeing the berries on the trees, I even like seeing the sloe berries on the floor, squashed and making a purple mess on the lanes!

I hit a wall of tiredness last Thursday and was totally exhausted so I have spent the last two days recovering. Thats the trouble with feeling well again, you think that you can do all the things you did before cancer, I am learning to take things a little slower you know the story about the tortoise and the hair?

I have missed everyone, I hope I wont be missing for so long this time.

Oh, as far as treatment is concerned, my radiation site is on the mend, most of the soreness has gone and my skin is itching now but nothing a good dollop of cream doesn't sort out. I am having some pains down my arm but I think that could be the nerves repairing, I still have numbness in parts of my arm and breast but I am used to the sensation now. The herceptin doesnt seem to have given me any side effects but the tamoxifen is affecting my weight and my fingers have swollen even more! My digestive system is slowly becoming normal and life is good. I am enjoying having more energy.

However, I do have a bad case of chemo brain! I can no longer multi-task and I have to concentrate really hard on what I am doing otherwise I totally forget.

So..... life is good!

Poetry Heals

I find solace in poetry, it has helped me through many a difficult time. As part of the Spirit Jump programme I was so sad to hear of the loss of one of the jumpees to whom I had just sent a spirit jump. I followed this up with a card of condolenct together with one of my favourite poems which comforted me greatly following my brothers death in 1990.



An Indian Prayer (Anon)

When I am dead
Cry for me a little
Think of me sometimes
But not too much,
Think of me now and again
As I was in life
At some moments it's pleasant to recall
But not for long.
Leave me in peace
And I shall leave you in peace
And while you live
Let your thoughts be with the living.

I was touched beyond belief to receive the most beautiful card from the family and I was told how much this poem meant to their father, that it healed him over night. I am so privelaged to have been able to transform a life with a simple gesture.

So listen to this. Gossip, nasty words, deeds can impact greatly on a life in such a negative way. Driving a nail deeper and deeper into the ground. Please don't choose this way of life. Don't gossip, don't relish in other peoples misery...... Instead, I beg you to do the opposite. Smile, give compliments, make a positive difference to someones day.

Throughout my fight with cancer, the text messages, face book messages, blogging messages, cards and word of mouth messages are what has kept me going. YOU reading this will have given one of those messages and I want YOU to know what a tremendously positive impact YOU have had on my life and for that I thank you.

I Have Made a Decision.....

Well, I am totally fed up with my body even though it has served me well through chemotherapy and surgery and now radiotherapy. I am 2 stone overweight (28lbs) and I am fed up with being breathless. My once well toned arms through dog grooming and swimming are now not and I am fed up!

I have decided to really get back on track SENSIBLY!!!

I am going to re-join Weight Watchers on a Friday morning once I am through radiotherapy at the start of October. At the same time I am going to start my running programme (Running Made Easy by Zest). Again, I will start that at the begining of October. In the meantime, I am going to start walking in preparation for running.

The first thing I am going to do which I have never done before and I must admit, I really dont like the idea at all....... I am going to have a set of start photographs and measurements and I am going to visually document my battle with fat to keep me going.

I have done this before and I will do it again. I need to drop 2 dress sizes to get down to my previous size 8 (US size 4).

I feel as though my life has been on hold with cancer, continually feeling rubbish and ill and tired.... I know it will take me a while to recover but I must make a start for my physical and mental well being.

Don't worry, I have been a fitness freak all of my life. Before marriage I cycled 30 miles a day because I didn't have a car, I did aerobics twice a week, I swam every day and I weight trained seriously, my spot partner was a bloke and I could beat him with sit ups and with weights. I know my stuff and although I have never been this unfit in my entire life, I will do something else I have never done before..... I will start at the begining.

Wish me luck!

MY LAST ROUND OF CHEMO WAS TODAY - WHOOP! WHOOP!

This is the cake I had made for the staff at Wrexham's Shooting Star Unit where I have received my chemotherapy. I ordered it from a local shop called "Sugar and Spice" on Charles Street www.sugarandspice-wrexham.co.uk and he did me proud! Don't let the white icing deceive you, underneath there lies a CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!!!!!!! I had the words of Mike Peters on the cake www.thealarm.co.uk "Love, Hope, Strength" because that is how I cope with my fight.

Can you hear the happiness in my voice? Can you hear it as my fingers dance lively across my keyboard?

My last round of chemo is over! Done, gone, gone forever! Hurray!

My nurse was Sarah and she is so lovely, well they all are! She tried to get a line in my compromised arm but for some reason, failed. The vein they had used last week was still badly bruised. She checked out my other arm and the veins were pretty useless so rather than traumatise me like last week, she called the doctor and he managed to get a line in. Not as gently as most of the nurses I must say, but at least it was in.

Sarah suggested that given my situation I may like to consider a port for my herceptin. She said that my oncologist doesn't normally do ports but she would talk to the doctor and it could be a possibility. I will not deny it because my veins are small and this has been a nightmare.

Sarah was so kind, she pushed the drugs in very slowly so it didn't hit me like a truck like last week. Consequently, I am not feeling as bad as I did this time last week; then I got home and spent the next 24 hours lieing in bed! At least I have felt well enough to lounge around in my PJ's. My tummy hurts so much and my arms and legs are weak but I think my elation of finishing chemo is helping keep the side effects to a minimum.

We went to Sainsburys for a bite to eat post chemo which was nice. We both had the mega all day breakfast which consisted of; 2 eggs (I gave one to Jason), 2 sausages (I gave one to Jason), bacon, mushrooms, tomatoes, beans and chips (fries for you Americans reading this). Yummy!

So my friends....... this chapter is closed and the next one is opening. I just want to thank you all; my friends and family for sticking by me, for all the positive comments which has kept my fire burning. I thank Mike Peters of The Alarm for his inspirational music, which, on my darkest days have helped me to renew the fight.

On a final note..... I thank my brothers Peter and Gareth for being my brothers. Peter and I now share a day in the year......10th September for different reasons. His day took him away from us, my day keeps me with everyone but he is always with me in spirit. I put sunflowers on his grave today post chemo, he was like a sunflower for me... Tall, Strong, Straight and like the sun he shone and will always shine in my heart........

Good Results!

Mum, Me, Fudge and Al in Mums back garden (Harry took the photo)

I had good news from the hospital today. I had a check up with my Breast Surgeon, Mr Cochrane who is a complete teddy bear and everything is fine. He checked my bones, liver, lungs, breasts (obviously) and give me a clean bill of health. He also confirmed that because of my ample boobs he was able to remove a good clear margin which gives me a good prognosis. He was so sweet, took time to talk to me and was very reassuring. As you can imagine, I left the hospital with a big smile on my face. I will have a mammogram in January followed by a consultation with him in February.

In addition to this, I got chatting to some fab people at the unit. One goes to the support group, another was someone we just got talking too and we had a cup of tea and a chat. Next to those lovely painted windows seen in my earlier blog.

I was completely shattered so ended up spending a couple of hours catching up on sleep. The children were spending the day with mum - they had plans to pick some apples for me. Yesterday they collected apples and made apple pie, eating it fresh from the oven! It was lovely for the children and for me because they collected me some peaches too!

Joe wants me to make apple pancakes but I will have to dig out the recipe.

I had my new lower retainer fitted AND, I brought the mould of my lower teeth home for Harry to look at - he loves things like that, skeletons and stuff...

So, altogether a very successful day!

Not a Good Chemo Session!!!

Pickles

Harry and his Nana

As I am busy scanning old photographs, I have decided to share some of my favourites with you. I was on the other end of the see-saw with Joe and we had some fun that day at Nana's house.

I had more chemo today and it wasn't a good session. My veins weren't playing today and the pain as they tried to canulate.............. I have a high pain thresh hold but this made me want to cry. I warmed my hands twice over and in the end I was practically begging them to use the arm which had some lymph nodes removed. Two nurses attempted to canulate but in the end the Sister came and did the job. So....... my hand looks like a patchwork quilt and aches like crazy. The good thing is that I have a couple of weeks for my veins to rest before the next lot in August.

I am in bed now, head buzzing, feeling a bit light headed and my arm is weak. My dog Pickles is with me in sympathy because she has a sore tummy. She is prone to "hot spots" which I treat myself with Sudocrem but this lot isn't clearing up so well and she is miserable and doesn't want to walk. If it persists I may have to take her to the vet for an anti-inflammatory.

I did something really positive today! I have decided that the person who is making my life difficult at the moment is not going to win, I refuse to be polluted by nastiness and I will remain positive and good. This in mind, as I was off to chemo this morning I had the opportunity and took it, to wave and say "good morning". The response was as anticipated but I felt good because I had risen above it all and refused to be changed....