Secret Post Club

In March I joined the secret post club.

I sent my first package out and it was received with happiness. Today, I received my own package. I had a beautiful fairy card with a hand written message from a fellow Sara together with a tiny leather book which I can fill with my thoughts and notions and keep with me or under my pillow I thought. I also received the prettiest book mark, silver with pink beads, this is such a useful gift for me because I am always reading! (oops! sorry, I uploaded the picture without editiing it so you will have to cock your head as you look at it!)

So thank you to Sara at www.theheartofourtribe.blogspot.com

I have received details for Aprils secret post and I have already put a few bits together but I shall say no more because I don't want to spoil any surprises.

Here is a little bit about the club. Each month you are matched up with someone and the details are sent to you privately. You then put together a package along with a little note and send it out to your recipient before the 15th of the month. If you want, you can then blog about your secret post experience. There is a £10 spending cap on the package but alot of the secret post members make their own gifts and it is not a requirement to spend lots of money. It is about making others happy not "keeping up with the Jones".

I Love Reading

Image courtesy of Amazon UK

I have just finished this book "Dead Until Dark" one in a series of vampire books about a human girl called Sookie Stackhouse. The television series based on these books is called True Blood.

I really enjoyed the series and didn't realise that there were books! Once I did, I bought them.

I am a slow reader but that doesn't really matter does it? If I have a good book I like to read and savour them.

Before cancer I didn't sit down long enough to read a book so this new habit I have adopted is fantastic and not one I am going to give up!

Hospitals! Hospitals! Hospitals!

Well, today was supposed to be my annual mammogram. As I walked into Wrexham Maelor Hosptal I pondered the fact..... This time last year I was given a mammogram but it was different then, I KNEW I had a lump, this time I had no lumps or at least I was hoping I didn't. This was going to be a bit scarey really because it means waiting for the results.... Us cancer patients know all too well how nerve racking that is!


Now, I know I am technically "cancer free", the fact that I have had surgery, 12 rounds of chemo, radiotherapy, tamoxifen and herceptin makes it unlikely that the cancer has returned but there is always that niggling doubt.....


I got to the waiting room, pulled out my book and began to read. The waiting room was full of a selection of people of all ages. I could identify the ones in my boots because of the chemo cut - such a standard hair style! There were others with long hair and I envied them!


My name was called.......... but alas.......... the machine had broken down!


My next appointment will be on 3rd February - lets hope that there are no technical hitches on that day! More waiting........


I have a chat to the Shooting Star receptionists, such a lovely bunch of ladies, they always comment on my hair and how well I look. I waved goodbye, told them I would see them next week (herceptin time again!)


I am fed up of hospitals, doctors, dentists..........................

War Horse

Image courtesy of Amazon UK

I have just finished reading the book called War Horse by Michael Morpugo. It is a childrens book but I found it to be a captivating read.

I bought it for my eldest son as he enjoyed "Born to Run" by the same author which was bought for him as a Christmas gift from his nana. I enjoyed the book as well so being a lover of horses, I couldn't wait to get my hands on this one.

The story is told through the eyes of a horse called Joey. A bitter sweet tale of suffering, love, loss and friendship during the first world war.

I knew that horses were used during the first world war but hadn't realised to what extent and how valuable they were.

This is a book that will be treasured along with Black Beauty, Son of Black Beauty, Greyfriars Bobby, Copper and My Dog Skip to name but a few.

I am grateful for not getting up late this morning, for being able to read because books bring such joy and knowledge, for having a warm home during this hard and cold winter, for my animals who bring me comfort and companionship and for my family whom I love dearly.

How Do We Solve a Problem like My Harry?

I have had to focus on myself this last year. I have had to somehow get through cancer treatment and get to the end of the year. I have done it! However, during this time I have not been able to be as hands on with my sons, especially Harry who is autistic and has communication difficulties. I was always pro-active with Mr H and always watching him but after the months I have had, I have distanced myself. I have had to, otherwise I just couldn't have coped.

Both my kids have had so much to deal with aside from their difficulties. They have seen their mum worried, scared, sad, angry, seen the effects of surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. They have seen my hair fall out and re-grow. What a difficult situation for "normal" kids.

Harry is having difficulty coping with his emotions at the moment and it is becoming a growing problem as he hurts others which is not acceptable. I am worried sick that he will grow up to be in constant trouble. I think this has been a big contributor to why I have been so depressed this weekend.

I bought the book "Volcano in my Tummy" a couple of years ago but like alot of strategies it wasn't right for Harry at the time. Now he is older, I am going to be using this book to teach him about his anger and how he can manage it without hurting others.


I have just spent £30 with Amazon on a selection of other books about anger and dealing with it in a more positive way. I won't bombard Harry with the books but will use them to drip feed the message. I will bring school on board with my plan so that it can be further re-inforced there.

Lets hope these books work! I have already used others similar to this "Is It Right to Fight" etc with great success.

I will let you know how we progress!

Being a mum is the hardest job I have ever done but the most rewarding. Sometimes though, I just wish..... I just wish with all my heart that I could have had a more "average" or, dare I say it? "normal" experience of parenting.

The Time of my Life

* I am still unable to view my blog and others while away. I will continue to try to gain access so that I can visit you, my friends but please be patient with me.

I have just finished reading the autobiography of Patrick Swayze and Lisa Niemi. It was fantastic. I have been a huge fan of his since he starred in North and South but the reason I admired him so much was because of his love and devotion to his wife, Lisa.

Reading his story, I found him similar to myself in lots of ways apart from one and that is going to change. He always followed his dream and worked through pain and injury in his strive to achieve his goals.

I read this book at a time when the anti cancer drugs I am on have caused my fingers to swell and I am battling with my weight. I was thinking of stopping Tamoxifen until reading about Patrick Swayzes life and I felt reinvigorated in my war with cancer.

I am going to leave you with some of my favourite quotations from this book.

Page 21 " Failure was simply not an option, so from that point on I just refused to even let that thought enter my head"

Page 150 " You might not realize it at the time but the struggle to achieve something is, in many ways, much more satisfying than actually getting it. The very act of striving is what keeps you alive, and it keeps you grounded"

Page 203 " When those you love die, the best you can do is honor their spirit for as long as you live. You make a commitment that you're going to take whatever lesson that person or animal was trying to teach you, and you make it true in your own life."

Page 222 "Everybody fails in life, but its when you cant pick yourself up after failure that you're in trouble"

A Good Dog

That is one thing that cancer has definately given me and that is TIME to do something I so enjoy and have not previously had the time to do it and that is READ! Reading is a form of escapism for me. It takes my mind away from cancer treatments, needles, appointments, illness... it takes me to another world and another life.


I have just finished reading the book "A Good Dog" by Jon Katz and am bereft. It is a true story and I found it such a compelling read. I liked the way that the author was truthful and honest about his dog Orson. There is no Hollywood ending here..... just the cold hard facts of life and moral duty.


Jon Katz has had quite a slating over this book and what happened with Orson and this makes me really angry. What right does any human being have over another to judge them. They did not know Orson the dog, they did not live with him, they were not in Jon Katz shoes so how dare they have the audacity and arrogance to judge him.


I live by the code of "judge not lest ye be judged". Nobody knows what they would do if they were put in the shoes of another person so it is not our place to be the judge and jury that is for the hands of a far greater being than us, thank you very much.


Now, let me climb down off my soap box, and lets hope I dont trip up while I get off...... no of course I wont trip, I haven't had a glass of wine...... oops...... sorry...... private joke.


Seriously, this is a great book, not one to be read without hankies but one which has evoked powerful emotions in me......

Books, Reading and Amazon Vine

I am lucky to be part of the Amazon Vine programme. Each month, I am emailed a newsletter and I am able to select two books from it. They are sent to me free of charge, some are uncorrected proofs and others are published, all I have to do is read them and create a review.

Since I began my fight against Breast Cancer, I have taken refuge in my books and reading so the Amazon Vine programme has been a life saver for me.

I enjoy reading very much and the programme enables me to read books I would not normally have chosen. I have read young adult fiction, childrens books, poetry and fiction. I noticed the book shelf option on one of my friends blogs and I thought "what a wonderful way to share my experience and passion". So, the gadget has been added!

The only book I would really recommend to all those fighting cancer is by Debora Hutton and is called "What Can I Do to Help?". It is written by a person who is terminal and is packed full of wonderful and very useful ideas for those caring for loved ones with cancer. Contributions have been made by Sir Elton John, Ruby Wax, Hugh Grant to name but a few.... I bought the book myself, and loaned it to family and friends with great results.

I have made my own notes on the book. Here are some of the gifts I have found useful;

Eye drops - soothing for chemo eyes

Fruit smoothies - great for when you really dont want to eat

Diet Ginger Beer - satisfies the thirst and settles the tummy

Luxury face & eye cream - for that chemo skin

Talc - really nice ones, I found this useful when I lost my body hair

Scarves - a necessity when you lose your hair

Warm and soft socks - for cold chemo feet

Fleece blankets - to combat that chemo cold

Pretty PJ's - helps lift your spirits when you feel rubbish

Boiled sweets - to suck when your mouth is dry and has a horrible taste

Bone China Mug - to really enjoy your cups of tea

Smoothie Maker - so that you can make your own smoothies when you dont feel like eating

Relaxing CDs - self explanitory really

Soups - great for slurping when you dont fancy food

Pretty jewellry, makeup and nail polish - all helps to make you feel nice

Here's my list of things people have done to help me;

Collecting kids from school

A cup of tea in bed

Prayers - lots of them

Messages of support and kind words

Friday Shoot Out

Blogging

Face book

Somebody to do the ironing

Somebody to make meals

Help with my animals

Session 2 of 12: Reading

One of the positives of being a Cancer Fighter, is the amount of time I have to read these days. I was invited to join the Amazon Vine programme. I am given a newsletter once a month then I get to choose up to four items, usually books. I took delivery of "Wildthorn" by Jane Eagland a couple of days ago and I couldn't put it down, what a good read! Set in England in 1870, it examines the social constraints for women and mental institutions.

I also managed to get to my support group "Talk 4 Talk" a local group aimed at helping parents / carers of children with speech, language and communication difficulties. The minister for Education in the Welsh Assembly, Jane Hutt paid us a visit to hear our views and things are moving for us! I am especially proud of this meeting because it is something I set in motion when I had a meeting with our local MP Ian Lucas to try to get more help for my little boy, Harry. Things may not have improved in time for me and mine but at least I can help to make sure that other children don't go through what Harry and Joe have.

The group is amazing but sadly does not fall into any of the categories to enable funding. After today, I hope the Welsh Assembly will find funding for a unique and much needed group.

I got to collect the kids from school for the first time in ages. Needless to say all the mums came over to say hi and comment on my turban! It was a little over whelming. I followed up on my promise to take the boys to the park and I enjoyed a couple of hours chatting to another mum and watching the boys have fun. How tiring the whole afternoon was though.

I am just focusing on September/October when my treatment will be over and I can get back into the saddle of my life that was. Can't wait to start training again (running) and swimming. Mmmm, will have to think of which races I will run......