The Time of my Life

* I am still unable to view my blog and others while away. I will continue to try to gain access so that I can visit you, my friends but please be patient with me.

I have just finished reading the autobiography of Patrick Swayze and Lisa Niemi. It was fantastic. I have been a huge fan of his since he starred in North and South but the reason I admired him so much was because of his love and devotion to his wife, Lisa.

Reading his story, I found him similar to myself in lots of ways apart from one and that is going to change. He always followed his dream and worked through pain and injury in his strive to achieve his goals.

I read this book at a time when the anti cancer drugs I am on have caused my fingers to swell and I am battling with my weight. I was thinking of stopping Tamoxifen until reading about Patrick Swayzes life and I felt reinvigorated in my war with cancer.

I am going to leave you with some of my favourite quotations from this book.

Page 21 " Failure was simply not an option, so from that point on I just refused to even let that thought enter my head"

Page 150 " You might not realize it at the time but the struggle to achieve something is, in many ways, much more satisfying than actually getting it. The very act of striving is what keeps you alive, and it keeps you grounded"

Page 203 " When those you love die, the best you can do is honor their spirit for as long as you live. You make a commitment that you're going to take whatever lesson that person or animal was trying to teach you, and you make it true in your own life."

Page 222 "Everybody fails in life, but its when you cant pick yourself up after failure that you're in trouble"

Faith! I Believe.....

The picture above was taken at my friends daughters naming ceremony. This was the day before I started to lose my hair, I had it cut short in preparation but nothing, nothing on this world prepares you for losing your hair.

I don't know why, I can't give you an explanation.... but, deep in my heart (I am so scared to say this in case I jinx myself) I am so sure that I am cancer free...... I am so sure that I am not going to do this again. I have been given my test, I have past my test and now I am a stronger person, better equipt to deal with whatever is my purpose in this life.

I remember those years of trying for a baby; tests, pills, more tests...... Once I put my concerns to one side and accepted that this may not be my destiny.... I became pregnant with Joe. Having miscarried once, my pregnancy was threatened again..... I can't begin to tell you how it felt. I prayed and prayed that weekend and on the Tuesday, while walking across the car park, watching the ducks on the stream.... I was filled with a warm glow, as though some invisible arm was giving me a hug and the words came into my head "its going to be alright" .... and it was.

This is how I feel about cancer.

Day two of radiotherapy was not as traumatic as yesterday. I talked to some women with breast cancer, I joked about the colour of our tunics.... "why do I get the insipid yellow.... bright purple is much more me!" - nice to have a giggle at not so giggleable topics! It was lovely to hear a mother with her 4 year old daughter and father talking in welsh. I was able to understand their tittle tattle which pleased me because I have lost my tongue since the death of my Nain and Taid. So comforting to hear welsh spoken as Wrexham has become much more diluted in the last ten years..... It is such a wonderful language, spoken with a tune..... love it! Dwyn carwch cymraeg!

So, I have faith and I believe.......

On a final note: I was so sad to hear of the death of Patrick Swayze, I have had a crush on him for 22 years! Ghost came out just after my brothers death and although it broke my heart, his portrayal brought me comfort. My thoughts and prayers are with his wife Lisa who must be totally lost and crushed by this loss.