Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Winter is Back

Winter is back or so it seems! The last day of March has been a memorable one, snow on the hills, sleet and snow here and freezing gales. I turned Cola out into his paddock but was worried sick about him. I needn't have been because when I went to check on him mid day he didnt want to come in and he was warm and dry under his rugs.

I had my 9th dose of herceptin today so I am officially half way through, only another 9 to go - yipee!

I was a tad fed up with my body and the weather though because my plans to ride and/or swim were scuppered by both - typical.
Off to the dentist tomorrow to get my front tooth sorted out and made to look pretty. I should have had it done last year but my cancer treatment delayed things slightly!

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Happy Days

Urgh the rain has really got on my nerves over the last few days. Mind you, I havent changed my plans much because of it. I still go everywhere on my bike, I just have to tog up in my waterproofs and walking the dogs?.. hey.. I might look daft but thats what I am, right?

So the boys have gone for an overnight stay to their Nans in Llandudno and I am home alone with my animal buds.

Plans for tomorrow?

  • Cola early - feed and turn out
  • Meet Poppy
  • Cola, muck out and ride
  • ?????? possible swim
  • dog walk
  • hospital - MORE herceptin
  • home
  • Cola bring in, feed and bed down

Sunday, 28 March 2010

In the Pink Again!

Pictures courtesy of Google Search

I have not blogged for a week mainly because I have been in a bad place. Those of you who read my previous blog will probably have guessed this. I have been coming to terms with the fact that once chemo was done with all the side effects would be done with too. Now, I have accepted this and have made steps to work with it.
I had a "taster" session with a nutritionalist who checked me for vitamin deficiencies and I came up as being short of folic acid, B6 and B10. Funnily enough, B6 is a vitimin required for turning food to energy. I have bought some supplements along with some Metatone tonic because it is that time again.

I arranged to have some healing Reiki and that was done today. Some of my chakras were not working and others were spinning out of control. My friend re-alined my chakras and the reiki was great.

I felt warmth traveling from my neck into my head and shoulders then down through my back and pelvis. The warmth then turned to tingling which was kind of like an energy pulsing around my body. When the Reiki was finished I felt so relaxed, positive and energised.

So as a result of these things, these minor adjustments I have made in my life, I am back to being in the pink again. I am feeling positive, in control and up beat.

My nails ARE going to grow back strong and I AM going to lose that weight!

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Feeling Fat!

Oh my goodness!

Thats just how I feel.

I am so fed up of being overweight, tired all the time and bloated. I want to wear my own wedding ring again, I want to have some energy, I want to lose this blasted weight so that I can feel good about myself.

I want my nails to be nice, they are splitting and peeling and theres nothing I can do to stop it.

I focused so much on getting through 2009 I didnt bargain for side effects into the new year. Well here it is.........

Saturday, 20 March 2010

Raining - oh no!

First day of spring and its raining!


I have organised a 40th birthday bash for my husband at home and I dont want it to rain, well, not tomorrow anyway. I bought a gazebo, we are going to light the chiminea and I have a chilli simmering away! His birthday cake has a picture of Y Ddraig Coch (the red dragon) our welsh flag! I have the beers stashed in the childrens playden so shhhhhhhhhhhh dont say a word.

Just pray and pray and pray that it doesnt rain!

Friday, 19 March 2010

India Day at School

Harry had an "India" day at his school today. The idea was that the children could dress up if they wanted and they made Indian decorations, played Indian music and sampled Indian food. Even the staff entered into the spirit of the occasion with their saris. We purchased Harry's outfit from the Hospice of the Good Shepherd, the young assistant was so helpful and so not only did we get a costume sorted but our money was spent on a good cause. Harry liked his turban the best which was one I used last year when I lost my hair. I used this one the most because I loved the colour red and it is well worn. I think its lovely to see it being used for something not related to ill health.

Harry did have a problem with his snack at snack time, the change in routine can be confusing and upsetting for children with autism. He was choked up and emotional when he came out of school but I spoke to his teacher and we got to the root of the problem and all is well.

I had some sad news today. My mums dog Al has been taken ill. He has liver problems and is on a drip at the vets, it is touch and go as to whether or not he pulls through. Al is an integral part of mums life, her faithful friend. As for me, he represents a wonderful part of my life with motherhood and baby/toddler trips to Erddig and Nains river. I only saw him on Monday and he was so happy, its hard to hear that my little friend is so gravely ill.

On a different note, I gained 2 1/2 lbs this week at weight watchers but I am not worried or stressed about it. Looking at the size of my fingers and the fact that I still can't get a wedding ring on I reckon that if I could stop the drugs I would lose half a stone in fluid alone! The main thing is that I am still going to weight watchers and if I hadn't been going I would be alot bigger than I am now.

Thursday, 18 March 2010

Chester (Y Gaer)

Today my husband and I met his mum in Chester, the nearest city to us about 6 miles away in the country of England! It is a Roman city with quite a few roman remains and it is pretty. Alot of tourists visit there and do touristy things but we like to go there for some nice food and a bit of retail therapy.

We ate at Chez Jules which is a french resteraunt and was gorgeous. The food was beautiful! I enjoyed a chicken and bacon salad followed by a chargrilled pork chop with vegatables, mmmm delicious! It was nice to have some adult time with Jasons mum without the kids fighting or arguing or demanding...

Chester has lots of different resteraunts; mexican, spanish, italian, french, brazilian to name but a few and we are lucky that they are of a high quality so theres always lots of choice.

My shoulder has given me a little more pain today but the medication from the doctor is helping.

The boys have just returned from school with a "Finger of Fudge" - I sang the old advert song to them and Joe got quite annoyed!

but the advert is from my childhood and it brings back happy memories, plus the song is really cute don't you think?

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

Aches, Pains and Tiredness

The last few weeks have been quite difficult for me really because I am fighting fatigue together with an all over stiffening and aching of my joints made worse by the fact that my shoulder which was injured before Christmas is really hurting because I am using it more for mucking out, changing rugs on Cola etc etc.

Now before you feel too sorry for me, I must hasten to add that my shoulder was injured when I tripped over my dog Wilbur in a quest for crisps. I had had rather a few glasses of wine at the time so needless to say, the injury was of my own doing! It doesn't make it any the less painful though!

So I saw my GP today, Dr Happs; very nice doctor he is too! He checked my movements and they are all fine and suspects soft tissue damage. The fatigue he suspects is down to the herceptin so he has prescribed some strong painkillers, voltorol gel, refered me for physio and sent me off for some blood tests!

I have at last found a bra that doesn't hurt me, but it is a mastectomy bra. I know that I had a lumpectomy but out of desperation I thought I would give it a go and it has worked. It is padded and shaped in such a way that it gives support and I don't get hurt. I am a 32G these days and my shoulder has been better after a day of wearing that so it makes me wonder if my lack of support has been aggrivating the shoulder injury! I was fine up until I had radiotherapy and since then I have had a huge problem with bras.

I also find that I am still retaining fluid. I still can't get my wedding ring past the first part of my finger and my bra size has gone up from 30FF to 32G even though I weigh less so I feel as though I am slowly starting to explode.

On the plus side, we did have the first spring day today and it was wonderful being able to go out without a coat!

I have been busy preparing a small party for Jason's 40th at the weekend. Here's the plan but shhhhhhhh its a secret! I am going to try and get him to take the children to the pictures on Sunday afternoon and while he is gone I am going to get my friends over to fix up a gazebo, decorate the place, put a big pot of chilli on the hob, jacket spuds in the oven then when he gets home he will have a big surprise!

I will blog about the party after it has been and gone. I have ordered the food and drink online with Tesco so they will deliver on Saturday while he is at work. I have ordered a birthday cake with the Welsh flag on it - tidy!!!!

Saturday, 13 March 2010

More Herceptin

The nurses and even the Sisters at the Shooting Star Unit refer me directly to the doctors for canulisation. I have tiny veins and they are frightened of hurting me. I did explain to Dr Gordon that the veins on my left hand were collapsed and he would get a line in but it wouldnt work. These doctors all know best and he tried my left arm first anyway!. The result was a swollen and bruised wrist! So he canulated my right arm anyway with no pain, no discomfort and no bruising!

My little boy Joe was with me because he had an appointment at ENT. He was great at offering me some distraction and it was a good experience for him too. He thought that all I did was go in, have a quick injection, he didnt realise just how much was involved. He helped the doctor as well and he enjoyed that.

Herceptin is drip fed into your system over an hour with a saline flush through at the end. Apparently pretty soon they will be authorised to drip it in over half an hour. I have mixed feelings about this...... on one hand it will be nice to reduce the amount of time I am sitting receiving treatment but on the other, it is quite nice to recline your comfy chair and relax for an hour!

Side effects of herceptin...... my fingers are still like tree trunks and my bones ache like mad especially my lower back. My right shoulder where I fell before Christmas is giving me alot of pain too and I am not sure what to do about that!

Sunday, 7 March 2010

Spring is Approaching

L-R: Joseff, Harry, Cola, Jason and Margaret

This time last year, I didn't know what the future held for me. I was recovering from a lumpectomy with a haematoma and facing my first round of chemotherapy. It was a scarey time because I didn't know how I would be affected.

This time last year I would never have believed how different my life would be. I am physically weaker than I was but emotionally stronger, I am hoping that with time I will become physically stronger and fitter once again.

So now we have a magnificent pony in our lives. Coca Cola, a native Fell pony who is a complete and utter darling.

Photo taken by Harry of Cola

I have a Mini Cooper and a pony - wow! I could never have predicted that!

So, spring is approaching. I can see that by Colas moulting coat, the longer days, the crocus bursting through in the garden. I am excited by the prospect of better weather and longer days and all the joys they will bring with them.

My Harry
So a year on and I am living a different but much better life. I don't get phased by stuff like when Harry exploded his jelly ball all over the new carpet and made some stains on it! What is the point, they are things, they can be replaced but people can't and love can't.

Saturday, 6 March 2010



I look down at my scars..................................

and for the briefest of moments.....................................

I wonder....... "how did they get there?"

I feel like it has been a dream

How can cancer have happened to me?

Monday, 1 March 2010

Ghostly Ghost Hunt - The Tower, Mold

On Saturday I took part in a Ghost Hunt in aid of Wrexham Hospital Special Care Baby Unit. Collectively we raised about £1500 so it was a good achievement! The ghost hunt took place in The Tower, Mold. The building is dated around the 13th century and it was a welsh family home. Apparently there was a fight between Mold and Chester (welsh and English) and the home had prisons within it! I picked up my friend Paula and we drove there together which was good really because I didn't relish the thought of driving there and back on my own.
This picture was taken in the Hall and this is a stuffed parrot and an old gun which looks as though it has seen better days! We didn't communicate with spirit in this room but I think we had tired them out by this point.
This is the Hall - incredibly cold house despite the heating and a big fire.
This is a portrait of a spirit who visited one of the teams. His name was Thomas and he was 6 years old when he died. Apparently he drowned in his bath and he was terribly upset because his parents had already crossed over and he was unable to. The team were in tears. Thomas was crossed over to the light so that was a really positive outcome for the night.

This picture was taken in one of the bedrooms and you can see an orb just above Trudi's head. I took another picture a few moments later and the orb is gone!
We communicated with a lady in this room who had been childless and lived a very sad life. Her husband was cruel to her and she was afraid to speak out. I had a feeling of saddness in this room but when the spirit left (we had a seance) I was taken over by a feeling of anger and the words "who do you think you are" came into my head. I wanted to kick the furniture, I wonder if this was the spirit of the abusive husband and that is why the lady left us!
In the other bedroom we communicated with a spirit called Christine who died in child birth. She had 4 daughters and one son but then she said she didnt have any sons so I wonder if she died whilst giving birth to the son. She had a happy life but died when she was around 30. She got a bit upset because her portrait used to be in the bedroom but it had been moved. She was happy to communicate with us and didnt want to stop!
It was an amazing experience, not frightening at all. Some rooms and at some times I felt nothing but then at others I experienced "feelings". I would love to do this again!