I had my heart scan today at the hospital and its good news... I still have one and its still working well! I will only have one more heart scan in August now seeing as how I am almost at the end of my herceptin. I can't believe how quickly time has passed.

Summer seems to have arrived today and we hit a high of 23 degrees which is totally amazing. Poor old Cola still has remnants of his winter coat so he needs to shed that pretty quickly. He was a naughty boy yesterday, thought he was a stallion when we were out on our hack. I made him work his energy out though and today he was alot quieter.

Had a hair cut - yipee! Just a trim to the back because I am growing it into a bob and from there it may go down to my shoulders, I haven't decided yet.

Harrys birthday tomorrow and he is so excited. He has promised his teacher and his deputy head some of his birthday cake and a party bag! I will follow through because it is important for him!

Secret Post and Muleberry Show

I am lucky to be a member of Heathers Secret Post Club www.notesfromlapland.blogspto.com. Once a month I am sent the details of the person I need to send a package too and my details are given to someone else. The idea is that you receive a package but its a surprise. My package arrived on Saturday from mamacrow and I was thrilled to bits because of the thought and care put into my package. Mamacrow had obviously read my blog because she has gifted me the most appropriate things: a nail buffer and nail strengthener for my brittle and splitting nails, a gorgeous book mark, a poetry book on horses and a packet of polo mints for our pony Cola - how kind! Thank you mamacrow from the bottom of my heart!

There was an Old Man of Nepaul

From his horse had a terrible fall;

But,

Though they split quite in two,

By some very strong glue

They mended that Man of Nepaul

by Edward Lear (1812-1888)

Harry and Jason

Today we went to Muleberry show about half an hours drive from us in North Wales. Our friend was competing with two of her Shetland ponies and we decided to tag along for the experience. The only bad thing that went wrong was the fact that Harry lost his wobbly tooth and did actually lose it on the show ground. This is him crying with his dad. We have told him to write a letter to the tooth fairy and she will still visit him tonight!

Llinos with Mari-Ann and Eleri (her daughter) with Ernie

Llinos and Eleri did so well today bringing home over 10 rosettes with quite a few firsts. This photo was taken during the last class of the day for them and it was the championships. Mari-Ann is only 2 years old and up until last Thursday had never been led in a head collar before. There are alot of things that filly hasn't experienced but thankfully, she has landed on her hooves and has found herself a wonderful and caring home - under the careful handling and love of Llinos, this filly is going to shine.

The views from the show ground were stunning as it was located at the base of Rhuallt hill.

The sun was shining and although it was still chilly, it was a glorious day, a perfect day for showing! When we get our trailer fixed up, Cola will be competing at this show, lets hope he wins lots and lots of rosettes!

12 down 6 to go

I have just come home from Wrexham Hospital following number 12 of my herceptin treatments - only 6 to go!

The sister always canulates me because my veins are so small and quite damaged with chemo and canulisation. I worked out today that so far, I have had 24 canulas inserted and that doesnt include the times when I have had more than one or two attempts. Its when you think like that, you realise just how battered your veins are.

My oncologist is retiring this month so I will be in the hands of a new oncologist. However, as I am almost at the end of my treatment I am not really concerned. I have a heart scan booked for next week but I don't anticipate any problems, its seems that I am made of strong stuff.

It is so good getting my energy back. I feel as though I am back to normal most of the time. I am on the go constantly and enjoying riding Cola, walking the dogs and generally just having the energy to enjoy life.

What I don't have the energy for is people who tick me off! Not many people annoy me but those who do just aren't worth the bother.

I am going through a transition at the moment and pretty soon I will be posting my last post on Cancer Aint Gonna Beat Me and I will be moving to Sara's Fight Back. So watch this space...

Road Traffic Collision

Yesterday I had an RTC - a road traffic collision! They used to call it RTA - Road Traffic Accident but the word accident had "implications" re blame etc so they changed it to collison.

We were cycling home from Cola, Harry was in front of me because I have to keep a close eye on him. Cycling behind Harry is precarious enough as it is and last night... he got me. We were almost home and suddenly he swerved out in front of me and caught my front tyre. There was nothing I could do to stop myself so the bike fell and I skidded on the tarmac.

I lay there startled for a bit and Harry started getting upset, he wanted me to get up and off the road in case a car came and squashed me so he said, so he helped me get up. No damage to my bike, Harrys plastic mud guard was snapped off and all I can say is that it was a good job that I was wearing my riding jacket because I scraped and bruised my elbow and hip and blood was seeping through my jeans at the knee. Nothing major it just means that I will be more achey for a few days and of course I was badly shaken.

The fall really messed up my mojo but what messed with it even more was the fact that I discovered that I had lost my weight watchers pedometer. The boys and I searched and searched but it was gone. It sounds really daft, but the pedometer is what has got my weight loss going and since I had it I lost half a stone so I became really down and started to think about comfort food.......

However, my weight watchers leader is a friend on facebook and I contacted her and as a result I was able to call at her house to buy a new pedometer and she discounted it for me. It gave me my mojo back and I stopped thinking about comfort food.

In addition to this, Harry and his little friends hatched a plan to sell their unwanted DVD's to raise money to buy me a new pedometer.

So it was a nasty do but goodness and kindness came out of it in the form of those I care about helping me.

On another note, thank you for your support on my changing my blog. Hopefully I will get it up and running in a few days and I already have an idea for a final post on Cancer Ain't Gonna Beat Me.

Back Again!

Back again after another break but I can't tell you how busy I am these days! The children are into their second week back at school and I am able to do all the things I am not able to when they are around.

The good news is that at my Weight Watchers weigh in last week, I lost 4lbs! I had to get on and off the scales 4 times before I would accept the reading and then I jumped up and down for joy, the other members must have thought I was bonkers. I am keeping on track with my diet and exercising alot. Rather than use my car I am walking or cycling and its amazing what an impact that has had on my weight loss.

Cola is wonderful! We took his rugs off last week. We still put his stable rug on at night because it tends to be chilly but during the day he is comando! You can tell the spring grass is coming through because he is totally fixated and is chomping at the bit to go out to grass rather than have his bucket feed which he normally enjoys.

The boys and I spent the weekend at my friends house on the top of a mountain. We camped in their back garden but oooh it was cold at night. Luckily I had quite a few glasses of red wine so the cold didn't get to me too much!

I have left my camara at my friends though so my blog will be pictureless for a while until I get it back unless I can find any appropriate pictures in my archives.

More herceptin on Wednesday; dose 10 out of 18 so I am over half way there.

I am part of the Secret Post club and I received my parcel last week which was so touching! However, I want to share the pictures with you before I tell you more and the picture is on my camara so you will have to bear with me for the next few days.

Almost a Week!

I can't believe that its almost a week since I last posted a blog! How quickly time flies now that I am feeling better!

Well not quite!

My nails are snapping and flaking and I have an infection in my right index finger. The infection has been there for almost a week now and it is getting better but so very slowly. Such a small thing but so much pain. I started to come down with a cold today so all in all, I feel pretty rough.

We managed to get Harry a new pair of riding boots. Buying clothes and footwear for him is so difficult because of his sensory problems, he feels every stitch, every label so it is difficult, very difficult. Anyway, he loves his new riding boots because he says that they are so soft inside.

The boys had a lesson off me in the menarge today. Boys includes Jason. They all did very well but its 30 years since I gave lessons or did any schooling or dressage but it is coming back to me slowly.

I went to the Breast Cancer Support Group meeting last night and was relieved to find out that swollen hands and feet seems to be a side effect of herceptin. Well I am half way through so at least it wont be forever.

I have been back on my weight watchers diet, eating well and concentrating on getting my B vitamins so I put spinach in everything..... Spinach in my soup, in my ghoulash, in my chilli..... you get the picture! I have been trying to snack on pumpkin seeds too which are high in iron. I must say that since my reiki and vitamin B supplements, things have got slightly better! My bloods all came back as normal but I dont know whether to be relieved or worried.

Apparently, the most critical time for re-occurance of breast cancer is the first 2 years after treatment. I suppose then, I am in the "comfort" zone because I will be having treatment until October 2010 so the clincher years will be Oct 2011 and Oct 2012!!! Nah!!! it aint coming back.

I went to look at a Shire x Cob with my friend on Bank Holiday Monday. He was lovely but had a pastern injury which showed. The owner assured us that it would improve with work but £500 was alot of money for a horse which really may not be used again. He was a darling though and if I could afford the upkeep of a second horse I would have made an offer myself because he would have been a good ride for Jason being slightly taller than Cola. Mac, my last horse had a bone spavin so I am used to horses with leg injuries.... As the old man by my school (Mr Jones) used to sing to me "kay Sera Sera, whatever will be will be"..... funny..... he would give me a sweet and ask me my name, I would reply "Sara" and he would sing that song.... same ritual every time....

Happy Days

Urgh the rain has really got on my nerves over the last few days. Mind you, I havent changed my plans much because of it. I still go everywhere on my bike, I just have to tog up in my waterproofs and walking the dogs?.. hey.. I might look daft but thats what I am, right?


So the boys have gone for an overnight stay to their Nans in Llandudno and I am home alone with my animal buds.


Plans for tomorrow?

• Cola early - feed and turn out
• Meet Poppy
• Cola, muck out and ride
• ?????? possible swim
• dog walk
• hospital - MORE herceptin
• home
• Cola bring in, feed and bed down

Aches, Pains and Tiredness

The last few weeks have been quite difficult for me really because I am fighting fatigue together with an all over stiffening and aching of my joints made worse by the fact that my shoulder which was injured before Christmas is really hurting because I am using it more for mucking out, changing rugs on Cola etc etc.

Now before you feel too sorry for me, I must hasten to add that my shoulder was injured when I tripped over my dog Wilbur in a quest for crisps. I had had rather a few glasses of wine at the time so needless to say, the injury was of my own doing! It doesn't make it any the less painful though!

So I saw my GP today, Dr Happs; very nice doctor he is too! He checked my movements and they are all fine and suspects soft tissue damage. The fatigue he suspects is down to the herceptin so he has prescribed some strong painkillers, voltorol gel, refered me for physio and sent me off for some blood tests!

I have at last found a bra that doesn't hurt me, but it is a mastectomy bra. I know that I had a lumpectomy but out of desperation I thought I would give it a go and it has worked. It is padded and shaped in such a way that it gives support and I don't get hurt. I am a 32G these days and my shoulder has been better after a day of wearing that so it makes me wonder if my lack of support has been aggrivating the shoulder injury! I was fine up until I had radiotherapy and since then I have had a huge problem with bras.

I also find that I am still retaining fluid. I still can't get my wedding ring past the first part of my finger and my bra size has gone up from 30FF to 32G even though I weigh less so I feel as though I am slowly starting to explode.

On the plus side, we did have the first spring day today and it was wonderful being able to go out without a coat!

I have been busy preparing a small party for Jason's 40th at the weekend. Here's the plan but shhhhhhhh its a secret! I am going to try and get him to take the children to the pictures on Sunday afternoon and while he is gone I am going to get my friends over to fix up a gazebo, decorate the place, put a big pot of chilli on the hob, jacket spuds in the oven then when he gets home he will have a big surprise!

I will blog about the party after it has been and gone. I have ordered the food and drink online with Tesco so they will deliver on Saturday while he is at work. I have ordered a birthday cake with the Welsh flag on it - tidy!!!!

Spring is Approaching

L-R: Joseff, Harry, Cola, Jason and Margaret

This time last year, I didn't know what the future held for me. I was recovering from a lumpectomy with a haematoma and facing my first round of chemotherapy. It was a scarey time because I didn't know how I would be affected.

This time last year I would never have believed how different my life would be. I am physically weaker than I was but emotionally stronger, I am hoping that with time I will become physically stronger and fitter once again.

So now we have a magnificent pony in our lives. Coca Cola, a native Fell pony who is a complete and utter darling.

Photo taken by Harry of Cola

I have a Mini Cooper and a pony - wow! I could never have predicted that!

So, spring is approaching. I can see that by Colas moulting coat, the longer days, the crocus bursting through in the garden. I am excited by the prospect of better weather and longer days and all the joys they will bring with them.

My Harry

So a year on and I am living a different but much better life. I don't get phased by stuff like when Harry exploded his jelly ball all over the new carpet and made some stains on it! What is the point, they are things, they can be replaced but people can't and love can't.

First Year All Clear

I had my visit to the Oncologist and Surgeons yesterday but lucky for me they decided to combine the appointments so I didn't have to waste my whole entire morning in the Shooting Star Unit!.

The good news is that I have had my first year all clear. My mammogram was fine showing only scar tissue which "did not look sinister" in the words of the surgeons!

My swollen fingers and achey joints are all down to herceptin and the oncologist asked me if I still wanted to go ahead with a years worth to which I replied "hell yes I don't want to risk having to go through this again".

I am not feeling very good this week. I have no energy but that is down to pmt I think. Yes, my onocologist is amazed too, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, tamoxifen and herceptin and my body is still in working order so to speak!

Tomorrow I have a saddle fitter visiting Cola and I so fingers crossed we find a saddle to fit as I am itching to start riding him properly!

New Life

This time last year I was recovering from my lumpectomy and lymph node sampling ops. I could barely move, a massive haematoma saw to that and the anesthetic knocked me for six. Everythiing I ever did was stopped; my mobile dog grooming business, swimming, running and all the races I had planned..... I really couldn't see beyond the day in hand let alone dream of a future. The thing that kept playing in my head was the conversation I had with my surgeon "I have just about ruined this year for you, but the next 40 are going to be great..." I didnt believe him at the time.. about the next 40 being great!

A year on, my life has changed beyond recognition. I don't get stressed like I used to.... whats the point? So what if the kids play up? So what if things go wrong? In the whole scheme of things, I have been to hell and back. I have looked death in the face and walked away.

I have a fab new car - my mini cooper and a wonderful addition to our family in the shape of Cola. I am running and swimming again and even doing some yoga!

Anybody reading this who may be going through cancer treatment right now.... believe me, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Life will be bigger and better!