I had my heart scan today at the hospital and its good news... I still have one and its still working well! I will only have one more heart scan in August now seeing as how I am almost at the end of my herceptin. I can't believe how quickly time has passed.

Summer seems to have arrived today and we hit a high of 23 degrees which is totally amazing. Poor old Cola still has remnants of his winter coat so he needs to shed that pretty quickly. He was a naughty boy yesterday, thought he was a stallion when we were out on our hack. I made him work his energy out though and today he was alot quieter.

Had a hair cut - yipee! Just a trim to the back because I am growing it into a bob and from there it may go down to my shoulders, I haven't decided yet.

Harrys birthday tomorrow and he is so excited. He has promised his teacher and his deputy head some of his birthday cake and a party bag! I will follow through because it is important for him!

sigh.....

This cheeky chap is my youngest son, Harry Llewelyn (named after two great Princes). He is going to be 9 years old on Friday and I can't believe how fast the time has flown.

Harry was diagnosed with autism a few years ago and has help at school. He struggles with language and communication and this doesnt just mean the spoken word, it covers social language, gestures, the unwritten code of conduct... He also struggles with change so any change in routine no matter how minor will affect his sleeping patterns and his behaviour.

So as his birthday approaches, I have had a testing time with Harry. His behaviour during these periods of unrest push me beyond comprehension. Today, I am struggling with a tension headache and feeling sick, my tummy is all knotted up.

I know that a birthday should be fun and eagerly anticipated. Harry doesn't really know when his birthday is, he still isn't sure when his party will take place and this confusion leaves him anxious.

So only a couple of days to go and hopefully the storm will have passed.

Aches, Pains and Tiredness

The last few weeks have been quite difficult for me really because I am fighting fatigue together with an all over stiffening and aching of my joints made worse by the fact that my shoulder which was injured before Christmas is really hurting because I am using it more for mucking out, changing rugs on Cola etc etc.

Now before you feel too sorry for me, I must hasten to add that my shoulder was injured when I tripped over my dog Wilbur in a quest for crisps. I had had rather a few glasses of wine at the time so needless to say, the injury was of my own doing! It doesn't make it any the less painful though!

So I saw my GP today, Dr Happs; very nice doctor he is too! He checked my movements and they are all fine and suspects soft tissue damage. The fatigue he suspects is down to the herceptin so he has prescribed some strong painkillers, voltorol gel, refered me for physio and sent me off for some blood tests!

I have at last found a bra that doesn't hurt me, but it is a mastectomy bra. I know that I had a lumpectomy but out of desperation I thought I would give it a go and it has worked. It is padded and shaped in such a way that it gives support and I don't get hurt. I am a 32G these days and my shoulder has been better after a day of wearing that so it makes me wonder if my lack of support has been aggrivating the shoulder injury! I was fine up until I had radiotherapy and since then I have had a huge problem with bras.

I also find that I am still retaining fluid. I still can't get my wedding ring past the first part of my finger and my bra size has gone up from 30FF to 32G even though I weigh less so I feel as though I am slowly starting to explode.

On the plus side, we did have the first spring day today and it was wonderful being able to go out without a coat!

I have been busy preparing a small party for Jason's 40th at the weekend. Here's the plan but shhhhhhhh its a secret! I am going to try and get him to take the children to the pictures on Sunday afternoon and while he is gone I am going to get my friends over to fix up a gazebo, decorate the place, put a big pot of chilli on the hob, jacket spuds in the oven then when he gets home he will have a big surprise!

I will blog about the party after it has been and gone. I have ordered the food and drink online with Tesco so they will deliver on Saturday while he is at work. I have ordered a birthday cake with the Welsh flag on it - tidy!!!!

A Fab Night Out!

Last night it was the "mums" Christmas night out at Bollicinis in chester www.bollicinis.co.uk and what a fab, fab night we had. Yes, we did dance around our handbags, and yes we did hound the dj for some Black Eyed Peas because we got fed up with his lame selection of music.

I had parma ham and melon to start followed by tagliatelli and tiramisu (not together!) and it was lovely. There was a bit of a disaster with the proffiteroles because they were still frozen but by that time we had enjoyed far too much wine and it didnt detract from the enjoyment of the night.

Such good fun! Good company! Nice Food! Lots of fun!

Friends

As you may know, I have recently purchased a new scanner and I am busy uploading pictures onto my computer so that I can sort them and archive them. This has been an evocotive task for me, conjuring up long buried memories along with the emotion. One thing that has struck me; friends are like ships... they pop in and out of the harbour of your life, some only visit once, others stay forever.... thats the way friendship is. However long or short their stay, they always leave ripples in the water... Above is a picture of me taken over 10 years ago when I was pregnant with Joe and the chap with me is Chris, a friend of my husbands. We don't have alot of contact but the friendship always picks up from where it left off.

Jessica Clark, a good friend for a few years but we lost touch and now I don't know where she is. We had lots of fun together thats for sure, went to alot of live concerts and had sleep overs.

When my fiance of 7 years and I split up, my life went in a totally different direction. I became a member of the Sports Connection Gym and hooked up with a great crowd. Lots of events, house parties and fun including climbing Snowdon, camping, Its A Knockout to name but a few. Yes, for those in Great Britain, I was a friend of Tim Vincent way before he hit the TV screens, I remember him as a lanky young lad.

Mandy was a great friend, brilliant fun and I am still in touch with her mother although she is living all over the place and has been for about 15 years. She saved my life. I was in a deeply depressed place.... my brother had died.... mum & dad divorced... my fiance cheated on me and was keeping me hanging on like a yo-yo. She had split with her boyfriend and just asked me did I want to join her on a trip to Disneyland. I said yes and I never looked back. It was on that holiday that I first got to sleep without crying and holding a photo of my fiance. It was on that holiday that I decided to ditch him once and for all..... Although I loved him dearly, I was not going to be treated like an object any more.

We did the Aerobathon in Earls Court, London twice. We raised money for Cancer. Way back in 1993, little did I know that I would be benefiting from such charity fun events. Michelle was a brilliant person to be around, a bubble of fun, always smiling. She taught aerobics. Me? I cycled 30 miles a day, swam, did aerobics and weight trained seriously to the point that my spar partner was a guy! Not so blinking fit these days am I? I feel like a big fat pudding!

Photos

This photo is of my very best and dearest friend Jan and myself at her sisters 40th birthday party last December 2008.

Same party but this picture is of my other dear friend Clare and my husband Jason

Again, same party and another dear friend Rachel (Rachel is really beautiful inside & out)

Christmas 2008, Flight Commander Harry Llewelyn with Pickles

Halloween 2008 - Harry and Joe

I found my camara and decided to download the contents. Oh what happy memories came back so I thought I would share them with you, enjoy!

I am going to try to download a video off the camara which is of my lovely Miniature Schnauzer Pickles who LOVES tea. There is no sound on the footage but what I am saying to her is "would you like a cup of tea?" she replies then I say "oh dear, too hot" and she replies. Her quest for a cup of tea is quite funny!

Session 4/12: Parties and celebrations

What a week!

Harry had his 8th birthday at Funky Monkeys in Chester, what a brilliant boys birthday party! The laser party he had took place in a play barn, after hours so we had it to ourselves. The lights went out, the rock music started, the flashing lights flashed and the kids went off to do battle. There were 9 of them altogether and they had so much fun. It was professionally run, the organisers loved kids and had a wonderful enthusiasm for making it a great party (can be sadly missing in the UK). The look on Harrys face made it all worth while. Of course, we had nuclear fall out after the party as we always do when Harry is overstimulated but we had planned for that this week and it was no surprise. He kicked, screamed then fell asleep - sign of a great party!

I went to Talk 4 Talk on Wednesday after getting my blood test done at the hospital. I met my friend D who has recently had her operation, she was having all her tests done followed by her meeting with my/our oncologist. We had a hug and she is like me, pretty up beat and positive about the fight ahead, its the only way you can be. Another survivor was there who had just finished all her treatment, an inspiration to get through this nightmare! Group was good, nice to see my favourite friends J, J and M - you will know who you mean if you read this!

So.... brings us back to today! Chemo day! The last round of Epi-Reubison!

For the first time in my chemo treatment I was scared, really scared. I couldnt sleep last night, felt subdued, had nightmares and when I got up this morning I felt physically sick with the anticipation.

What triggered it? I think it was a mixture of things; the fact my veins aren't always forthcoming, one blew on one occasion, my arm and veins are so sore and stiff, I feel really sick when the drug first hits my body, the lady who cried last time at her first session... it all played on my mind and scared me.

However, when we got to the hospital, my husband enquired about having IV anti-sickness drugs rather than tablets and they said it might make a difference so we tried that. The nurse was fab! I told her I was scared and she was so gentle, I hardly felt a thing, not like the other times. Oh, I forgot to say that this time my white blood cells were fine so no hanging around for more tests which was brilliant! The IV poisen went in quickly too and the nurse brought me the best cup of tea ever!!!!

The nurse made me laugh when she put the anti-sickness drugs in, she said it would feel like I was sitting on a hedgehog. I was giggling and waiting for the experience and when it came I couldn't help but laugh my head off. It was like eating moon dust but obviously, the sensation wasn't on my tongue but on my bum!!! How funny!!!!

So now....the epi-R is over, and I am hoping that the CMF is ok too and my hair grows back! I am half way (virtually) through my chemo. There is light at the end of the tunnel!

As we left the Shooting Star Unit, I saw the lady who had cried the last time and it turned out that I used to work with her partner. I enquired how she got on and she was very negative so I guess her war with cancer is going to be a hard fight :0(

Harrys actual birthday today was fab! My relatives came over which means so much to us and Harrys little friends came around. Of course, Harry was hyped up again and tried to pistol whip C with his clone trooper gun! However, he kicked, screamed, got taken off to our bedroom to relax and now he is sleeping next to me in my bed, the happiest and most whacked boy in the world.

I feel grotty. The show is over, the make up is off and I am allowing myself to give into the effects of chemo (for a while).

Today, I will go to sleep and thank God for my wonderful sons, husband, family, friends, my pets, and most of all for my life and for being so lucky in catching the cancer quickly and that it was in a "good" place. I also pray for those close to me to take comfort in the fact that I am a fighter (the Jones dont give up), a history of really strong women in my family, I have the best medical attention FREE and I am here for the duration! I am lucky.

Session 3/12: "Life is here and I am free..."

A line from a Mike Peters song, Regeneration which he wrote when he beat leukemia the first time. I can't wait to be able to sing that with real conviction. When I saw him at the Gathering all those years ago in his combat fatigues, sharing his great news with us, I didn't think that I would be a member of the same club as him, a privelage I don't really want.... sorry Mike!

I am feeling like myself this week which is great. We are having friends over tonight, Jason is cooking a chilli and we have wine! I have compiled a play list but I just know it won't be played because it turned out to be punk, songs from my youth! I am currently taking a trip down memory lane. I managed to power walk today, another 2 miles which is great and I didnt feel the need for a rest afterwards!

I met my friends for coffee yesterday morning which was great then had lunch out with Jason at the Alyn Pub so I didnt "power walk", I gave myself a day off.

Raining and miserable today which always makes me feel sad. However, we will get the chiminea on and the candles burning and we will have fun. I am making the most of this week because my next session of chemo is on Thursday and I don't know how quickly I will recover.

By the way, I am NOT going to fall asleep at 9pm tonight!