First Year All Clear

I had my visit to the Oncologist and Surgeons yesterday but lucky for me they decided to combine the appointments so I didn't have to waste my whole entire morning in the Shooting Star Unit!.

The good news is that I have had my first year all clear. My mammogram was fine showing only scar tissue which "did not look sinister" in the words of the surgeons!

My swollen fingers and achey joints are all down to herceptin and the oncologist asked me if I still wanted to go ahead with a years worth to which I replied "hell yes I don't want to risk having to go through this again".

I am not feeling very good this week. I have no energy but that is down to pmt I think. Yes, my onocologist is amazed too, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, tamoxifen and herceptin and my body is still in working order so to speak!

Tomorrow I have a saddle fitter visiting Cola and I so fingers crossed we find a saddle to fit as I am itching to start riding him properly!

Good Results!

Mum, Me, Fudge and Al in Mums back garden (Harry took the photo)

I had good news from the hospital today. I had a check up with my Breast Surgeon, Mr Cochrane who is a complete teddy bear and everything is fine. He checked my bones, liver, lungs, breasts (obviously) and give me a clean bill of health. He also confirmed that because of my ample boobs he was able to remove a good clear margin which gives me a good prognosis. He was so sweet, took time to talk to me and was very reassuring. As you can imagine, I left the hospital with a big smile on my face. I will have a mammogram in January followed by a consultation with him in February.

In addition to this, I got chatting to some fab people at the unit. One goes to the support group, another was someone we just got talking too and we had a cup of tea and a chat. Next to those lovely painted windows seen in my earlier blog.

I was completely shattered so ended up spending a couple of hours catching up on sleep. The children were spending the day with mum - they had plans to pick some apples for me. Yesterday they collected apples and made apple pie, eating it fresh from the oven! It was lovely for the children and for me because they collected me some peaches too!

Joe wants me to make apple pancakes but I will have to dig out the recipe.

I had my new lower retainer fitted AND, I brought the mould of my lower teeth home for Harry to look at - he loves things like that, skeletons and stuff...

So, altogether a very successful day!

Relaxation and Peaceful Sleep

I like to add pictures to my blog because I think it brings it to life. I know, I know, those who follow me are probably sick of hearing about Mike Peters but I love this photo of him and I chose this one in particular because he is standing in the town my children are staying with their Nana right now.

Mike is standing on Llandudno promenade which is miles long and a great walk come rain or shine and in the distance you can see the Great Orme as its head dips into the water. If your eyes are good, you may be able to make out the pier as well.

As a child we came here for day trips. I loved throwing stones into the sea when the light dimmed. The smell of cooking doughnuts on the pier.... the sound of the sea and the stars in the sky. Whenever I smell doughnuts now, I always remember those days out. www.llandudnoonline.co.uk/pages/pier.html

My two sons are staying with their Nana who lives in Llandudno and my mum is there with them too. So far they have had quite alot of fun, playing in the sea, riding open topped buses, boat trips....... phew! Poor grandmas will be exhausted.

I, meanwhile am enjoying a child free bed at night and waking up of my own accord! This has been wonderful for me, actually being able to get some rest.

I have started my diet but you wouldn't think it was a diet the amount I am eating. I am planning what I eat and making sure I eat a little and often.

I ventured into Wrexham town today! Amazing! I only managed to stay there for about an hour before returning home but I did make a couple of good purchases! I treated myself to a new handbag - the organiser type because I am fed up of rooting around for medication, appointment cards, hand sanitizer etc. It was leather and only cost £8!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is a really lovely handbag! I got some not so exciting drain cleaner and I purchased a granny trolley!!! I know I am only 42 but I am so so tired these days, carrying shopping bags, even small ones is a burden I can't tolerate so, yes, I am now the proud owner of a tartan granny trolley!!!

Happy Days!

I wished I lived in the middle of nowhere!

It was always my dream..... to live in a house in the middle of nowhere! No neighbours, nobody passing by all the time. Just me and my animals. Just a dream, just a dream.

Reality is I live in a pleasant little village where I know practically everyone through my years doing Avon, dog walking, babies - children, walking to work, my dog grooming business etc etc. I am quite integrated into village life!

My house is small and semi detatched. I never stop wishing it was bigger but its adequate for me, my husband, 2 boys and my animals.

The house is situated in a quite cul-de-sac of nine houses. We live on the outskirts of the village and are surrounded by fields and wild life. I like it here or I would if it weren't for some "people".

I have been fraught battling breast cancer since I found my lump in January of this year. It is a battle to remain positive and get through the operations, test results, treatments - a fight or maybe "all out war fare" and on the whole I have had so much support from my village; cards (so many), flowers, vouchers, magazines, books, text messages, emails, phone calls... the list goes on! In fact, I am going to write an open letter of thanks to all in our village magazine "Essentials".

However, there is an element of sadness. A person I considered a friend turned against me just over a year ago. The story is a long one and spans over a few years involving other friends who remain dear to me.

When I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, I didnt receive a call, card or acknowledgement. The parties went on without letting us know in advance, knowing what I am going through with chemo (despite the public charade). This person has experience of cancer.

I decided to put out the olive branch because I was fed up with the nastiness and the bitterness. I am not a bitter person. I will not let bitterness, hate, resentment live in my soul. Negative breeds negative - positive breeds positive.

However..... this person despite greeting me now remains the same. A party is scheduled today (I found out about by accident) means noise and my children being kept up. I am so tired from chemo and my tummy hurts and grumbles constantly. I am running on a short fuse and I just don't need it.

I feel really sad today..... sad because I just don't understand why people have to be so nastyand inconsiderate. Why can't they think of others? I was brought up to "think of others before myself". Mum always told me to put myself in others shoes and if I didn't like it then I shouldn't do it.

Why do I feel so isolated on this one?

Tired and Naggy

I don't always blog twice on the same day but I am about to go and sit with my dogs and watch some awful telly!

I am feeling really naggy, short tempered and tired. I have that nasty taste in my mouth and I have had enough for today.

I felt really good today, the best since I started chemo..... guess what I did? Yes, I over did things! Also my lumpectomy scar is aching like crazy, another sign I have done too much.

Oh.... and I almost forgot...... more chemo tomorrow - thats why I am getting naggy!

Sess 4/12: Wonderful Walks

It's a week today since I had my last dose of chemotherapy and apart from the really tender, sore mouth and the dreadful digestive problems I am having, I feel much better today!

Last round of chemo, I was wiped out for nearly two weeks but this time I seem to have recovered alot quicker. However, what do I do when I feel this way? Yes, I jump right in with both feet and over do things!

I bundled the children off to my mums house for an overnight stay, their first time ever with her. She has some rescue chickens and they enjoyed harvesting the eggs, washing them then eating them for breakfast this morning. The "jobs" she has lined up for the boys are things like feeding the wild birds of which there are many where she lives; sparrows, jays, woodpeckers, robins, thrush, starlings to name but a few. There is nettle clearing to be done in the orchard and pruning, always pruning! Oh, mum found a dead bird and they have a funeral to arrange! All good fun for my boys. Hopefully, I will have my bed to myself tonight!

So once my boys were off on their adventure, I went off on mine!

I left Dave Decorator painting the outside of our house and went for the most beautiful walk with the dogs; Pickles, Wilbur and Poppy. We ended up in Darland Woods which has been newly cordoned off. Some people would complain about this but having walked these woods for 15 years, I am quite glad because it reduces the amount of people using them and I can enjoy the natural beauty with my dogs without hassle.

The golf course was busy today so we decided to remain within the woods then cut across the footpath. I met Dave Golf, the groundsman and had a lovely chat with him. When I am grooming, I clip and bath his cocker spaniel, Maisy.

The walk across the course was glorious. The sun shone down on us and the dogs ran through the long grass. Heaven!

I was just deciding whether to cross Chester Road into the fields there with the dogs when that sudden wall of chemo tiredness over came me and I decided that enough was enough, time for home.

It was lovely to walk amongst nature and it was lovely to see familiar faces in Dave Golf and W the bus driver amongst others.

My dogs and I have returned home to rest but satisfied that we have had our own splendid adventure....

Session 2 of 12: So tired....

I can't believe how tired I am all of the time. This session, I don't seem to have had any respite at all. Yesterday, I had a 2 hour meeting with the Autistic Psychiatrist re my sons followed by lunch with my Weight Watchers leader and friends and by the time I got home I was so tired I felt sick. I felt so guilty because my mum turned up and I was laid up in bed for 2 hours! She understands though I felt much better after my sleep.

However, my little boy paid us our nightly visit AGAIN! I thought that we had got him out of the habit of coming to our bed but since he has been back at school after the Easter break, he has gone back to his old habits, complaining of nightmares. This doesn't help me at all because I then can't sleep and end up in his bed which is a mid sleeper and incredibly difficult for me to get in and out of. What do we do?..... I have decided that I deliver an ultimatum to all of the boys! If Harry continues to visit my bed then I am having his bedroom for the duration of my treatment. I will remove his bed and replace it with one I am comfortable with! What do you think?

My veins are still really sore and so are my gums and my nose. Mind you, if it means this cancer doesn't return then I don't mind so much. I just can't wait to get back to normal, to start running again and being active.

My friend is doing the RACE FOR LIFE in my name, I am honoured! I did it last year and thoroughly enjoyed it, what an experience, its amazing. I will be doing it in 2010! In the meantime; Sharon, I am putting a race package together for you!! Go girl!!

My brain is chemo today and I can't seem to think of the words I want to say so I will end my blog on that note.

Chemo Session 2 and Back to the Caravan

I did take some photos to add to the blog of my bald bits, me with a new headscarf on (wanted to use that for the Face Book Bandana Brigade) and my "new" GI Jane hair cut! However, I have left my bag at home which contains my phone, my wallet and most importantly.... my lipstick!

Never mind, I will dedicate a blog to these pictures when I get my phone back at the end of the weekend. Good news on the caravan front, the van is free next week so we can stay as long as we like..... no returning on Saturday as was orignally planned, possibly Sunday or Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday..... will have to check it out with my mum first because she has been wonderfull looking after my Rossett Zoo and doing jobs around the house. Of course it also depends how I feel as well and how I can settle into chemo week one away from home.

I am so glad to hear that friends and family are checking my blog because it takes the pressure off Jason and I, makes life alot easier and keeps f&f up to date and part of the horrible journey that is cancer.

I phoned my hairdresser Sue at Hair by James and she fitted me in. She really didnt want to shave my hair off, Bless her so we compromised and she did a grade 4 on the back and a grade 5 on the top. It looked ................ you will see the photo when I get my phone back! Scarf on and off we go!

My best friend Jan was all set for taking mum and I for my chemo session today which was so kind of her. She brought my pandora bracelet with the breast cancer pandora bead for me to wear during the session. I also took with my my Nains turquoise ring, my crystal heart from Harry, my turquoise necklace from Joe, my Pawly Bear from Jan and Chloe - all good charms to keep me filled with positive energy. Uncil Phil took us.

The same nurse, Gwen did my chemo for me today as last time. I was glad because she is such a lovely, smiley, warm person. The department was extra busy because they were fitting in Friday and Thursday appointments together due to the Easter break. It didn't help that one of my white blood counts was not as it should have been so I had to wait for another blood test and get clearance from the doctor. Once that was done, poor Gwen had alot of trouble finding a vein. The first attempt was on the side of my hand which was so painful then that was no good because the vein blew. The second attempt at the top of my hand was better but I will get quite a bruise on that.

I felt the chemo going in again, it seemed colder this time but maybe that was because my veins were hiding. I didn't get the funny sensation that I got the first time but it did set my asthma off again so I took some ventolin and that was fine.

Gwen went through all of my side effects with me and she prescribed some corsodil for my sore mouth and some satchets of "stuff" for my constipation. She advised me not to use the suppositories that the doctor prescribed because of the invasive factor and hence risk of infection. She told me to half the amount of steroids I take over the next few days because that may help with my sleep. It is all trial and error.

The journey back to the caravan was ok, quite a bit of traffic in Porthmadog which slowed us down and loads of rain! It wouldn't be Wales without rain!

The welcome I got from the boys was wonderful, can't describe the joy really! Harry rushed in and before he took his coat and shoes off, demanded to see my hair! He said he liked it, Joe didn't like the bald bits and Jason said I looked like the evil lady in Blakes 7!!!!!

I got some unexpected gifts from my boys: Joe brought me a tiny bead red heart and a gorgeous blue and brown bead necklace, Harry bought me a huge love heart made from sewn beads in cream. It is designed for wall decoration but Harry told me that it was a necklace so I had to wear it - you should have seen me!!! I will take a photo and put it on the blog when I get my phone back.

So chemo session 2 and I don't feel quite as bad as last time. My head is buzzing, I have a ringing in my head as before but no funny feeling, no sickness.... just really, really tired. Don't feel up to talking so the computer is a great medium for giving out information without having to talk!

Session 1, week 2 Feeling OK

Me and one of my dogs, Wilbur wearing my pink bandana. I did this photo because I needed to upload one onto the Facebook group I started called "The Bandana Brigade". The photos on the group are fab, especially the ones of the dogs! It is great having the support of online friends, some of whom I have never met in person but who are great friends none the less. I log onto the Weight Watchers NCU site regularly and am kept entertained by all the regulars: SpookyAnne, BryBry, JediBinx, MissLaura to name but a few.

This week has seen me "overdoing" it big style. Me... the fitness freak who walks the kids back and to school, swims, runs, clips dogs and walks my own dogs all in a normal day, reduced to being worn out by a run and a dog walk in a day! Demoralising, but I keep telling myself that it is only for a short space of time and I will be back to normal soon.

I had to cancel my plans to meet with one of my friends and customers yesterday because I was so tired, and I was disappointed because I was looking forward to the get together. After a mornings rest I came down refreshed and decided to clip the dogs outside as the weather was so nice. Both dogs plus friends dog are looking very posh now and ready for the summer! However, it whacked me out AGAIN and I spent the rest of the day in bed.

I was supposed to go to the PTA Pamper Evening but decided to visit briefly then return home. It would have been a lovely evening at the Grosvenor Hotel with some nice stalls and luxury treatments on offer. However, just chatting to people tires me out these days so I picked up some business cards and made a mental note to hold a bra party sometime soon. There was also a local chocalateer who impressed me, links to both are listed below.

www.reallynicechocolate.co.uk

www.fitubra.co.uk

My digestive system is almost back to normal so that is something positive this week. I went looking for an outfit to wear to my friends daughters naming ceremony at the weekend and decided that I looked fat and awful in every dress I fancied. However, I treated myself to a gorgeous sky blue mac from Bravissimo, which I will wear with linen black trousers and a loose fitting white shoes.

My son Harry made me laugh yesterday. My husband took the boys around Broughton Park shopping centre and H spotted a maniquin in a shop window which was dressed but had no hair. He said that the maniquin was how I would look when and if I lose my hair.

So back to hair loss...... I picked up my NHS wig on Wednesday and what a laught that has proved to be. So far everyone has worn it including the dog and it is AWFUL! I will not be wearing the wig unless I desperately need to but it may start to appear on memorable statues around the vicinity.... watch this space!

So, my first session of Chemo and week 2. Not as bad as week one but still so tired. I will get through this though and come out of it a better person.