Session 2: Had a Blip now its gone

Had a bit of a bad day yesterday. Emotional, paranoid, tired, felt really pathetic and worthless.... I knew what was happening to me so I could understand and accept my state of mind. It was caused by a mole I found on my bald, plucked chicken head which made me get all worried about skin cancer. I have had a nights sleep and lots of supportive messages from friends and family and realise that I am ok but will get it checked out asap after the Easter Break.

We spent yesterday at Llanbedrog Beach where I promptly fell asleep for almost 2 hours. Joe made me a special sand chair and Harry was blowing up sand castles. Got a chill so went to the Bistro for a takeout coffee but they were short staffed and in the middle of a rush so had stopped that service but the manager took pity on me in my red woolly hat and made me a coffee anyway, how kind was that?

I thought I had come to terms with the lack of hair but the thing I hate about it the most is THE FEELING. Nobody prepares you for that, all the advice and literature I have read tells you about accepting your looks but for me, it is the feeling. Touching my head, feeling stubble, feeling bare scalp, the sensation, the touch, it turns my stomach. I know I will have to get used to this because it will be this way for the next 3 months and I will, I know I will but it is really hard and hard because I didnt expect it!

I ended up sleeping with Joe last night because we left Harry in our bed but then he took all the bed clothes and I got cold so went to sleep with Joe. I was hoping for a lie in and I got one. It was worth giving up my bed so that Harry slept in some more, he has been tired these last few days and needed some catch up.

Not sure what we are up to today. All I know is that it is Easter Sunday, the day of Resurrection and today we should be happy and thankful.

Session 1, week 2 Feeling OK

Me and one of my dogs, Wilbur wearing my pink bandana. I did this photo because I needed to upload one onto the Facebook group I started called "The Bandana Brigade". The photos on the group are fab, especially the ones of the dogs! It is great having the support of online friends, some of whom I have never met in person but who are great friends none the less. I log onto the Weight Watchers NCU site regularly and am kept entertained by all the regulars: SpookyAnne, BryBry, JediBinx, MissLaura to name but a few.

This week has seen me "overdoing" it big style. Me... the fitness freak who walks the kids back and to school, swims, runs, clips dogs and walks my own dogs all in a normal day, reduced to being worn out by a run and a dog walk in a day! Demoralising, but I keep telling myself that it is only for a short space of time and I will be back to normal soon.

I had to cancel my plans to meet with one of my friends and customers yesterday because I was so tired, and I was disappointed because I was looking forward to the get together. After a mornings rest I came down refreshed and decided to clip the dogs outside as the weather was so nice. Both dogs plus friends dog are looking very posh now and ready for the summer! However, it whacked me out AGAIN and I spent the rest of the day in bed.

I was supposed to go to the PTA Pamper Evening but decided to visit briefly then return home. It would have been a lovely evening at the Grosvenor Hotel with some nice stalls and luxury treatments on offer. However, just chatting to people tires me out these days so I picked up some business cards and made a mental note to hold a bra party sometime soon. There was also a local chocalateer who impressed me, links to both are listed below.

www.reallynicechocolate.co.uk

www.fitubra.co.uk

My digestive system is almost back to normal so that is something positive this week. I went looking for an outfit to wear to my friends daughters naming ceremony at the weekend and decided that I looked fat and awful in every dress I fancied. However, I treated myself to a gorgeous sky blue mac from Bravissimo, which I will wear with linen black trousers and a loose fitting white shoes.

My son Harry made me laugh yesterday. My husband took the boys around Broughton Park shopping centre and H spotted a maniquin in a shop window which was dressed but had no hair. He said that the maniquin was how I would look when and if I lose my hair.

So back to hair loss...... I picked up my NHS wig on Wednesday and what a laught that has proved to be. So far everyone has worn it including the dog and it is AWFUL! I will not be wearing the wig unless I desperately need to but it may start to appear on memorable statues around the vicinity.... watch this space!

So, my first session of Chemo and week 2. Not as bad as week one but still so tired. I will get through this though and come out of it a better person.