Sunday, 12 April 2009

Session 2: Had a Blip now its gone

Had a bit of a bad day yesterday. Emotional, paranoid, tired, felt really pathetic and worthless.... I knew what was happening to me so I could understand and accept my state of mind. It was caused by a mole I found on my bald, plucked chicken head which made me get all worried about skin cancer. I have had a nights sleep and lots of supportive messages from friends and family and realise that I am ok but will get it checked out asap after the Easter Break.

We spent yesterday at Llanbedrog Beach where I promptly fell asleep for almost 2 hours. Joe made me a special sand chair and Harry was blowing up sand castles. Got a chill so went to the Bistro for a takeout coffee but they were short staffed and in the middle of a rush so had stopped that service but the manager took pity on me in my red woolly hat and made me a coffee anyway, how kind was that?

I thought I had come to terms with the lack of hair but the thing I hate about it the most is THE FEELING. Nobody prepares you for that, all the advice and literature I have read tells you about accepting your looks but for me, it is the feeling. Touching my head, feeling stubble, feeling bare scalp, the sensation, the touch, it turns my stomach. I know I will have to get used to this because it will be this way for the next 3 months and I will, I know I will but it is really hard and hard because I didnt expect it!

I ended up sleeping with Joe last night because we left Harry in our bed but then he took all the bed clothes and I got cold so went to sleep with Joe. I was hoping for a lie in and I got one. It was worth giving up my bed so that Harry slept in some more, he has been tired these last few days and needed some catch up.

Not sure what we are up to today. All I know is that it is Easter Sunday, the day of Resurrection and today we should be happy and thankful.


  1. The mood swings can really be something especially if they are brought on by chemo or drugs.

    And if they are not, just the trauma of having cancer can send your head spinning. Some days are good and some are not so good.

    I try to take one day at a time and stay as calm as I can ... I hope you can enjoy some peace today.

  2. Daria, thanks for that, it helps to understand emotions because its all so new x


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