I Love Reading

Image courtesy of Amazon UK

I have just finished this book "Dead Until Dark" one in a series of vampire books about a human girl called Sookie Stackhouse. The television series based on these books is called True Blood.

I really enjoyed the series and didn't realise that there were books! Once I did, I bought them.

I am a slow reader but that doesn't really matter does it? If I have a good book I like to read and savour them.

Before cancer I didn't sit down long enough to read a book so this new habit I have adopted is fantastic and not one I am going to give up!

Images are courtesy of Amazon.co.uk My 8 year old son is autistic, (aspergers) and he has trouble dealing with the world and its complicated ways. Sometimes this leads to anger and frustration and because he doesn't look as though he has a disability people are very condemning but they just don't understand.

I purchased these two books from Amazon UK to try and help Harry with his anger issues. There is no support available to us from the authorities despite the increased awareness of autism so we are very much on our own. I am very impressed with the Red Beast book and I think the only way I can explain it to you is to quote parts of the foreword:

"Any parent of a child with special needs will tell you that it is the uncontrollable outbursts of rage which are the most difficult to contend with"

"Some children with Autistic Spectrum Disorder ASD are prone to regular outbursts of rage, since simply living through a normal day is often fraught with anxiety and frustration. Children with Aspergers Syndrome seem to be the most affected because they are more self aware"

The book disassosiates the feeling of anger from the child themselves and instead calls it the Beast. In doing so it takes away the feelings of guilt and resulting low self-esteem.

This book is going to prove invaluable to me!

I wasn't too impressed with "When Sophie Gets Really Really Angry..." We could all identify Harry as Sophie but I didn't like the idea that when Sophie gets angry she runs away into the countryside. Children with autism mimic things such as stories or films etc, they also take things literally so this book could prove to be quite dangerous. I am quite sure that this book has its place but not for a child with autism.


It is very exhausting living with a child or children with special needs because you have to teach them everything, things which are normally learnt automatically. That coupled with the fact that they usually have communication dishorders makes it a very stressful environment.

I could write a book about my life with my boys. I am not saying it is all bad because it most certainly is not in fact the disability brings joy with it as well as strife!! You learn to become tolerant of their ways and life is spent "walking on egg shells" because the wrong word, the wrong look - can lead to a complete melt down. I have learnt an indirect approach works better with my children, a few half truths and ignoring alot. However, it is emotionally draining.


Mind you, I might find it hard parenting children with special needs but whenever I start to feel hard done to, I put myself in their shoes, I try to see the world through their eyes and to be quite honest with you I am in awe of them. They have adopted clever strategies in order to manage their situation but no matter what, the world is a scarey place when you are not sure what comes next. No wonder Harry wants to stay home all the time!

War Horse

Image courtesy of Amazon UK

I have just finished reading the book called War Horse by Michael Morpugo. It is a childrens book but I found it to be a captivating read.

I bought it for my eldest son as he enjoyed "Born to Run" by the same author which was bought for him as a Christmas gift from his nana. I enjoyed the book as well so being a lover of horses, I couldn't wait to get my hands on this one.

The story is told through the eyes of a horse called Joey. A bitter sweet tale of suffering, love, loss and friendship during the first world war.

I knew that horses were used during the first world war but hadn't realised to what extent and how valuable they were.

This is a book that will be treasured along with Black Beauty, Son of Black Beauty, Greyfriars Bobby, Copper and My Dog Skip to name but a few.

I am grateful for not getting up late this morning, for being able to read because books bring such joy and knowledge, for having a warm home during this hard and cold winter, for my animals who bring me comfort and companionship and for my family whom I love dearly.

How Do We Solve a Problem like My Harry?

I have had to focus on myself this last year. I have had to somehow get through cancer treatment and get to the end of the year. I have done it! However, during this time I have not been able to be as hands on with my sons, especially Harry who is autistic and has communication difficulties. I was always pro-active with Mr H and always watching him but after the months I have had, I have distanced myself. I have had to, otherwise I just couldn't have coped.

Both my kids have had so much to deal with aside from their difficulties. They have seen their mum worried, scared, sad, angry, seen the effects of surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. They have seen my hair fall out and re-grow. What a difficult situation for "normal" kids.

Harry is having difficulty coping with his emotions at the moment and it is becoming a growing problem as he hurts others which is not acceptable. I am worried sick that he will grow up to be in constant trouble. I think this has been a big contributor to why I have been so depressed this weekend.

I bought the book "Volcano in my Tummy" a couple of years ago but like alot of strategies it wasn't right for Harry at the time. Now he is older, I am going to be using this book to teach him about his anger and how he can manage it without hurting others.


I have just spent £30 with Amazon on a selection of other books about anger and dealing with it in a more positive way. I won't bombard Harry with the books but will use them to drip feed the message. I will bring school on board with my plan so that it can be further re-inforced there.

Lets hope these books work! I have already used others similar to this "Is It Right to Fight" etc with great success.

I will let you know how we progress!

Being a mum is the hardest job I have ever done but the most rewarding. Sometimes though, I just wish..... I just wish with all my heart that I could have had a more "average" or, dare I say it? "normal" experience of parenting.

Session 2 of 12: Reading

One of the positives of being a Cancer Fighter, is the amount of time I have to read these days. I was invited to join the Amazon Vine programme. I am given a newsletter once a month then I get to choose up to four items, usually books. I took delivery of "Wildthorn" by Jane Eagland a couple of days ago and I couldn't put it down, what a good read! Set in England in 1870, it examines the social constraints for women and mental institutions.

I also managed to get to my support group "Talk 4 Talk" a local group aimed at helping parents / carers of children with speech, language and communication difficulties. The minister for Education in the Welsh Assembly, Jane Hutt paid us a visit to hear our views and things are moving for us! I am especially proud of this meeting because it is something I set in motion when I had a meeting with our local MP Ian Lucas to try to get more help for my little boy, Harry. Things may not have improved in time for me and mine but at least I can help to make sure that other children don't go through what Harry and Joe have.

The group is amazing but sadly does not fall into any of the categories to enable funding. After today, I hope the Welsh Assembly will find funding for a unique and much needed group.

I got to collect the kids from school for the first time in ages. Needless to say all the mums came over to say hi and comment on my turban! It was a little over whelming. I followed up on my promise to take the boys to the park and I enjoyed a couple of hours chatting to another mum and watching the boys have fun. How tiring the whole afternoon was though.

I am just focusing on September/October when my treatment will be over and I can get back into the saddle of my life that was. Can't wait to start training again (running) and swimming. Mmmm, will have to think of which races I will run......

Chemo Session 1 - Day 5

Didn't get much sleep again last night and despite another 3 senokot tablets, no relief!

Wonderful husband got the kids to school and I managed up enough energy to appear normal and do some jobs to help them get ready for school, usual things; help H get dressed, encourage tooth brushing, positive remarks about their new hair cuts.... simple things but until you are hit by something like this, you don't realise how draining they are.

WH sought advice from our local pharmacist in Rossett (wonderful chap) and returned home with a product and advice that I was assured would work, given patience. A fellow friend had recommended this product too, so lets hope it works!

Felt so tired that I just had to go to bed. Didn't want to do my blog, read, write, watch TV or surf the net, I just wanted to sleep! Lay there with my head buzzing and tears of frustrationg rolling down my cheeks, it is awful!

Brain Wave!!!! One of my fad purchases was a hypnosis CD by Glenn Harrold "How to Lose Weight". I remembered that each time I used that CD, I relaxed and fell asleep... I had never heard that CD to the end...!!!!!!! Great!!!!! Scrabble to find earphones (they work better with this CD), managed to scrouge some from sons room and BINGO!

Did it work?..................................................................................................................................................

YES!!!!!!!!

Result! Didn't get much sleep but enough of a power nap to give me some of the energy back that I needed to have for when my boys get home!

Plan is now to surf the net to find out if this Glenn Harold guy has any positive thought or relax CD's that may put me into a deeper sleep.

So, I have had a bit of sleep, some good advice from my pharmacist. WH tells me he is making chilli tonight and I don't feel sick so my karma is back for a while.