Sunday, 20 December 2009

How Do We Solve a Problem like My Harry?

I have had to focus on myself this last year. I have had to somehow get through cancer treatment and get to the end of the year. I have done it! However, during this time I have not been able to be as hands on with my sons, especially Harry who is autistic and has communication difficulties. I was always pro-active with Mr H and always watching him but after the months I have had, I have distanced myself. I have had to, otherwise I just couldn't have coped.

Both my kids have had so much to deal with aside from their difficulties. They have seen their mum worried, scared, sad, angry, seen the effects of surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. They have seen my hair fall out and re-grow. What a difficult situation for "normal" kids.

Harry is having difficulty coping with his emotions at the moment and it is becoming a growing problem as he hurts others which is not acceptable. I am worried sick that he will grow up to be in constant trouble. I think this has been a big contributor to why I have been so depressed this weekend.

I bought the book "Volcano in my Tummy" a couple of years ago but like alot of strategies it wasn't right for Harry at the time. Now he is older, I am going to be using this book to teach him about his anger and how he can manage it without hurting others.

I have just spent £30 with Amazon on a selection of other books about anger and dealing with it in a more positive way. I won't bombard Harry with the books but will use them to drip feed the message. I will bring school on board with my plan so that it can be further re-inforced there.

Lets hope these books work! I have already used others similar to this "Is It Right to Fight" etc with great success.
I will let you know how we progress!

Being a mum is the hardest job I have ever done but the most rewarding. Sometimes though, I just wish..... I just wish with all my heart that I could have had a more "average" or, dare I say it? "normal" experience of parenting.


  1. Dear Sara, I have read your story and my heart goes out to you. I you would accept I would like to invite you to join our sisterhood of support by accepting my WOW pin. Go to my post of Dec 19 and click on Woman of Wisdom and read about it. If you decide to accept cut and paste the pin to your sidebar and a bevy of angels with surround you and walk with you on this journey. Blessing

  2. Sara, you have had your plate full this year for sure....but you made it through thankfully and now so much of your energy has to be put into your son, not an easy chore but will be so worth it....these books sound fabulous and I am sure will give you another way to approach Harry's behavior. I know you really have few choices but remember any and everything done with love isn't wrong. Glad you are feeling better and I so wish you Good Luck, big hugs to Harry as he must be so confused with everything.......:-)

  3. Yes, being a mum is the hardest job there is. And you've never given it up even during your treatment.

    You know how I feel about breast cancer, about the gifts is has given us. I see this for you as a gift as well.

    While your breast cancer is not the same at Harry's autism, the similarity is that you are both in situations where it is dark and unclear and people don't understand. When people saw you without hair or in a bandana, people who didn't know you, they will most likely have assumed things about you -- rightly or wrongly. When people see Harry act out (be it with his voice or his fists) they make assumptions as well.

    Whether or not these books will work -- you've done the best any parent can do -- you are making the effort to better understand and better help Harry to understand.

    But you have also walked in similar shoes now -- you have been down a dark road and your empathy, which you already had has magnified to such a point that you are going to be better able to reach out and reach Harry.

    Love, understanding, compassion, strength, a firm conviction, respect -- all of those combine in a recipe to create success. Wishing you all the best as you tackle the next leg of this journey with a growing, maturing Harry!


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