Hospitals! Hospitals! Hospitals!

Well, today was supposed to be my annual mammogram. As I walked into Wrexham Maelor Hosptal I pondered the fact..... This time last year I was given a mammogram but it was different then, I KNEW I had a lump, this time I had no lumps or at least I was hoping I didn't. This was going to be a bit scarey really because it means waiting for the results.... Us cancer patients know all too well how nerve racking that is!


Now, I know I am technically "cancer free", the fact that I have had surgery, 12 rounds of chemo, radiotherapy, tamoxifen and herceptin makes it unlikely that the cancer has returned but there is always that niggling doubt.....


I got to the waiting room, pulled out my book and began to read. The waiting room was full of a selection of people of all ages. I could identify the ones in my boots because of the chemo cut - such a standard hair style! There were others with long hair and I envied them!


My name was called.......... but alas.......... the machine had broken down!


My next appointment will be on 3rd February - lets hope that there are no technical hitches on that day! More waiting........


I have a chat to the Shooting Star receptionists, such a lovely bunch of ladies, they always comment on my hair and how well I look. I waved goodbye, told them I would see them next week (herceptin time again!)


I am fed up of hospitals, doctors, dentists..........................

My Town Friday Shoot Out - Under Construction

This weeks assignment is "Under Construction".

Well my PANDORA bracelet which is pictured above is most definately under construction. It tells the story of my fight with Breast Cancer. My best friend bought me the bracelet and the breast cancer charm. Each bead marks a significant chapter in my life, the first red one was when I finished Epi-Reubison, the rabbit next to it was when I finished CMF and the hedgehog was for when my hair began to grow back, the love heart was our 15th wedding anniversary and the day of my last but one round of chemo, the coloured one next to it was given to me by my husband because I had such a rough time with that particular round of chemo. I will be leaving a bead space free for when I get my 5 years all clear from cancer!

Me? Well I am most definately UNDER CONSTRUCTION in 2010. I have to shed 2 stone, I want my hair to grow and I am going to get my teeth sorted out! You see, last Christmas I finished 3 years of brace work and just had them removed, I was waiting until my teeth settled before I was going to have some veneers, a cap and replacement fillings. Cancer and its treatment put the cap on that but I promised myself this year that it would get done!

This is my best friend Jan in the pottery centre in Centre Parcs. She is in the middle of painting me a red mini!

...and this is the finished product. She has copied every aspect of my own Mini Cooper including the tinted rear windows. The only difference was the slogan "GIRLS ROCK" across the bonnet!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!

Review of the last decade....

Somebody mentioned a review of the decade on facebook and I decided to blog about things which have meant something to me, personnally. You will probably find alot of it boring, but it is theraputic for me! They come in no particular order.

I had the car of my dreams, my MINI COOPER - our first ever brand new car

I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Breast Cancer

I fought and beat Stage 3 Breast Cancer

I beat depression in 2008 following therapy with a brilliant guy Dave Atkinson and for the first time in my life, accepted myself

I beat my disordered eating pattern

I lost all my hair!

I gave birth to my second son Harry Llewelyn in May 2001

9/11 and the aftermath

My son was diagnosed autistic and I fought for years to get help for him and I eventually did!

I re-trained as a dog groomer

I set up and ran a successful part time business as a dog groomer for 4 years until cancer struck

I have had my hair long, short and bald!

I learnt how to blog and opened up a whole new world of friendship

Tony Blair got kicked out of government - sadly, not before he did the country alot of damage

The unnecessary war in Afghanistan and loss of so many livesI met HM the Queen and Prince Philip when they visited Wrexham. What a charming couple!

I did the Race for Life in 2008 - my first ever race

I got back together with my dad

I started running seriously

I made a Digital Story about Harry to help teach those in authorities how hard it is for children like him

I got my eldest son through his "issues" and at the age of 9 he actually ate Pizza (mixed up food)

The list is endless but to sum it up... it has been a difficult decade for me in lots of ways. I have battled and conquered disordered eating and depression. I have had two children with special needs and I have dealt with them successfully. If they hadn't had me as a mum, they would be prisoners of their own disorder. I have battled cancer and come out the other side. I lived for 3 years with virtually no sleep because Harry was such a troubled sleeper. Despite it all..... I am HERE and I am ready, just ready to make the next decade count.

My First Post Cancer Hair Cut

The thing pictured above is not my new hair cut! No.... I thought I would post a picture of my Aqua Jogging Belt. It is fab! You wear it around your waist and this enables your shoulders to rest above water. This means that your feet don't touch the ground and you can focus on your running motion and remaining in an upright position.

Onlookers are mistaken in thinking it is an easy and slow sport but trust me.... you use the same muscles as you do with proper running but without the impact and with the added resistance of water.

This sport has helped me this week with my injured ankle. I would have been very frustrated otherwise not being able to stick to my running plan.

Not a very flattering picture of me, showing all of my many wrinkles! Those creams don't do what they promise you know! Anyway, today I had my first hair cut since I lost it all due to chemotherapy. My hair colour was different and the texture was fluffy and dull so I asked the advice of my wonderful hair dresser, Sue. She parted my hair and showed me that my hair underneath is as dark as it used to be, shiny, glossy and healthy but the dull end bits were as a result of my hair starting to grow back and given the fact that there was still chemo in my system, this reflected in the texture and colour.

Sue set about snipping, tidying and can you believe it? Thinning my hair out and the end result is a snazzy pixie cut! Sue reckons that with one more trim the bad hair will be cut out and I will be in a good position to start growing it properly.

I feel so much better now that the texture is back to normal along with the colour.

I will never take a hair cut and style for granted again.

Herceptin Heart Scan

So today I was back in the hospital for my herceptin heart scan. Jason came with me and this time the process wasn't so bad. For a start there was only the chap scanning in the room and I was given a gown to wear so my dignity remained in tact.

They found my heart! I even heard it beating although it sounded more like a washing machine. The good news is that so far, so good, the herceptin isn't damaging my heart. I was so relieved because I had just returned from the Grosvenor Garden Centre having met my friend there and consumed 3 cups of proper coffee! I was getting some palpatations!

My ankle is healing nicely but I am taking arnica and using cool gel and white embrocation.

I am going for a hair trim tomorrow! My cheeky husband asked "where from?". Admittedly I haven't got enough for a good cut but I just want her to tidy up the back and around the ears. I am only have a wet trim because I will be damned if I am paying for a cut and blow dry with the little amount of hair I have lol!

Herceptin Round 3

Harry pretending to be cold at Centre Parks just after we had seen Santa. The snow on the trees is fake!



Yesterday I had my third round of herceptin. My veins are officially shut down in my left arm now as the Sister canulated first time but could not get any blood out for my tests and when the saline started to go in my hand felt cold, then it started to ache and finally sting. The sister decided to remove the canula and put one into my compromised arm. This went in first time and with a minimum amount of pain. I have only had a sentinal node sweep plus the herceptin is not an irritant like chemo so I am happy for my compromised arm to be used.


The herceptin went in well and it was terrific to leave the Shooting Star Unit feeling normal. Many ladies came in after me for their herceptin. The drug is so expensive that they place all of the herceptin ladies together to minimise wastage.


I saw my oncologist yesterday as well and had a thorough check over. Not only does she check my breasts but also my stomach, back, lungs and heart. The oncologist shadowing her also noticed my mole on my back and checked that out too. When I told my oncologist what I was up to these days she was amazed and called me "super woman". There's nothing super about me though, I am just so happy to be alive and thoroughly enjoying life at the moment.


My running is going well and so far I am up to 24 mins of 1 min run, 2 mins walk. I feel good because I am able to de-stress and clear my mind. I didn't stretch out after my run yesterday so my calves were quite tight this morning. However, I took myself off to the pool, swam for 9 mins, power walked in water for 10 widths, aqua ran for 10 mins, stretched out for 5 then treated myself to the sauna and jacuzzi.


Everyone thinks my hair is cool but I just want to grow it, after having no hair it will be nice to have longer than a crop!

Today I Bought........................

HAIRSPRAY! Yipee!!!!!

I Used a Hair Drier!!!!!!!

Yes!!!!! Today........ I used a hair dryer for the first time since I lost my hair!!!!!!

YIPEE!!!!!!

(Ps: am at the caravan at the moment and my internet access is impaired, therefore for some reason I have been unable to view my blog and any comments left, I apologise for this)

Pandora Bracelet - New Bead!!!!!

If you have been following my blog, then you will know that my best friend bought me a PANDORA bracelet with a BREAST CANCER bead on it to thank me for being a standing parent for her daughters naming ceremony. Since having the bracelet, I have started to use it as a markway for my breast cancer journey.

So far I have the "Love, Hope, Faith" bead because that is what I live by these days, my mother in law bought me a ball of love hearts, I had a red bead to represent the end of Epi-Rubison the nasty red chemo drug, my mother in law bought me a rabbit to mark the start of CMF and now I have just bought myself my much promised hedgehog because my hair is growing back and my eyebrows are all there now!!! So excited! So there is a picture of the little fella (much nicer in real life).

Stephanie "Bah to Cancer" - we must meet up one day to compare our bracelets!

Massive thanks to John Creed Designs Ltd (yet again) for a super fast delivery! I only placed the order yesterday and it was with my 9am this morning. Brilliant web site for pandora authentic beads! http://www.johngreeddesign.co.uk/ Check em out!

Day 2 following CMF and I still feel tired but the medication is working and my stomach acid is abating along with my upset tummy! Tiredness I can deal with, upset tummys and acid reflux - I cannot!

Wet days and horses

I have woken up to a wet and very soggy Sunday! So... I am catching up with my blogging friends, cried buckets over Daria's video and am thinking about what a lovely Saturday I had.


The above photo was taken yesterday at Lisa and Abi's Equestrian Centre where my little Harry rides each week. They shared a hilarious video of Jason doing "around the worlds" on Gemma and falling off..... lots!!!


In the picture above, the children had been playing out of site in Abi's secret den! They had to be rounded up for home time. The bay mare in the picture is Abi's horse Tash. Abi is in the turquoise t-shirt and Harry is just behind her in the grey top.

This set of pictures really makes me smile. They are like something out of "Brave Heart" having been discovered they are walking towards us all in one line.

Lisa riding Gemma. She had to go and round up the troop because they were too far away. It was nice to see all of the children having good old fashioned fun; playing on the muck heap and slinging water over each other. They were going home dirty, mucky, smelly but happy!

This is Archie. He is 14hh roan gelding and I don't know why but I find myself "drawn" to him. I find this alot with people and animals; some repel me and others I feel a magnatism drawing me in. This is how I feel about Archie.



I don't like this picture of me.... bald, fat, old and ugly! Anyway, its a nice picture of Gemma. This picture is me now in 2009 and it is a picture of me going through a huge blip in my life. Watch this space when I finish treatment and my hair grows back and I shed the weight!

By the way my sweat shirt says "Cymraeg: probably the oldest language in Europe" and was bought from Cowbois in Bala who provide great welsh tee-shirts, sweatshirts and hats.


On a final note, this is my hair this week.

You can see it growing back quite fast and its black (apart from a few grey hairs!).

I used to suffer with sty's on my lower eye lids as a teen and as a result, my lower eye lashes were patchy. Nobody noticed but I did. Following chemo, they are growing back much thicker and NO BALD PATCHES. Here again is evidence of the "Polly Anna Syndrome" good always comes from bad, you just have to look for it!