MY LAST ROUND OF CHEMO WAS TODAY - WHOOP! WHOOP!

This is the cake I had made for the staff at Wrexham's Shooting Star Unit where I have received my chemotherapy. I ordered it from a local shop called "Sugar and Spice" on Charles Street www.sugarandspice-wrexham.co.uk and he did me proud! Don't let the white icing deceive you, underneath there lies a CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!!!!!!! I had the words of Mike Peters on the cake www.thealarm.co.uk "Love, Hope, Strength" because that is how I cope with my fight.

Can you hear the happiness in my voice? Can you hear it as my fingers dance lively across my keyboard?

My last round of chemo is over! Done, gone, gone forever! Hurray!

My nurse was Sarah and she is so lovely, well they all are! She tried to get a line in my compromised arm but for some reason, failed. The vein they had used last week was still badly bruised. She checked out my other arm and the veins were pretty useless so rather than traumatise me like last week, she called the doctor and he managed to get a line in. Not as gently as most of the nurses I must say, but at least it was in.

Sarah suggested that given my situation I may like to consider a port for my herceptin. She said that my oncologist doesn't normally do ports but she would talk to the doctor and it could be a possibility. I will not deny it because my veins are small and this has been a nightmare.

Sarah was so kind, she pushed the drugs in very slowly so it didn't hit me like a truck like last week. Consequently, I am not feeling as bad as I did this time last week; then I got home and spent the next 24 hours lieing in bed! At least I have felt well enough to lounge around in my PJ's. My tummy hurts so much and my arms and legs are weak but I think my elation of finishing chemo is helping keep the side effects to a minimum.

We went to Sainsburys for a bite to eat post chemo which was nice. We both had the mega all day breakfast which consisted of; 2 eggs (I gave one to Jason), 2 sausages (I gave one to Jason), bacon, mushrooms, tomatoes, beans and chips (fries for you Americans reading this). Yummy!

So my friends....... this chapter is closed and the next one is opening. I just want to thank you all; my friends and family for sticking by me, for all the positive comments which has kept my fire burning. I thank Mike Peters of The Alarm for his inspirational music, which, on my darkest days have helped me to renew the fight.

On a final note..... I thank my brothers Peter and Gareth for being my brothers. Peter and I now share a day in the year......10th September for different reasons. His day took him away from us, my day keeps me with everyone but he is always with me in spirit. I put sunflowers on his grave today post chemo, he was like a sunflower for me... Tall, Strong, Straight and like the sun he shone and will always shine in my heart........

I Feel Like I have Lost a Year of My Life

I do, I really do!

I look back on 2009 from the date I found the lump in January, through all my treatment and the fact that I won't start feeling myself until the new year and it upsets me because my entire world has been turned upside down.

.At this point; I know I should be grateful. Grateful that I found the lump and it hadn't spread and I am having treatment and I am alive but I feel as though I was FORCED onto a roller coaster ride I didn't want to go on and my life has run away with me. Roller coasters make you feel YUK so I think its a fairly good description of life as a cancer fighter

:0( No running

:0( No swimming

:0( No dog grooming business although some of my customers have been incredibly loyal

:0( I have missed out on so much fun with my kids; zoo trips, camping, riding........

:0( So tired all of the time I hate having to choose what activity I will do today

:0( Missed a great Take That Tribute party on 13th Feb when I was being sliced open

:0( Missed out on trips away with my friend

:0( Didn't get that family holiday abroad we were longing for

Ooooooh I could go on and on and on and on and on and on

Sorry I am being a bit moany today but sometimes being a Cancer Fighter makes me cross!

Steroids and Placebos

I managed to get about 2 hours sleep last night. Lay in bed for a while then was joined by H-Bomb who was still upset about his upset before bed and needed a cuddle. Cuddles were duly given and once he was in a slumber, I got up and read for a few hours. Morning came just as I had slipped into a deep sleep and it was time to make school sandwiches and pack bags.

I did try to sleep again but these steroids seem to be glued to my system so I have just pushed on. The sun is shining and it was too nice to waste in frustration. Jason and I took the dogs for a walk and that was really enjoyable. I played with my lovely neighbour Oliver, met his baby tortoise "Gilbert" and helped to de-matt their cat "Moomin" with my professional clippers newly purchased before my cancer diagnosis!

Last night, Harry was in tears before bed time. He found me lieing in bed and asked for a cuddle. He then asked me for a back tickle but I told him that my arms and legs were weak at the moment and my tummy hurt. After about 10 minutes he burst into tears (however, he was peeping behind his fingers) and proceeded to tell me that he always felt sick before and after food ever since he was sick in school just before Christmas. I did get his tummy checked out but he was ok.

Being autistic and having sensory issues, I cannot rule out the fact that he does experience sensations which are more severe than "normals". For example, socks and pants have to be purchased regularly because once they lose their softness they are too harsh for his skin. Socks have to be worn inside out because the seams inside irritate. I am fed up with buying clothes that never get worn because they are tight or rub. It is a sensory issue.

Harry and I are tuned into each other. As a baby, he would never sleep and I existed for 3 years with no sleep with him. As a result I was depressed and stressed and he picked up on that. He would never sleep for me but put him in the arms of someone else and he was off like a light. He plays up and his melt downs are more frequent when their are changes in routine such as the end of a school year, Christmas and the start of a new year. He had similar situations before my operation and before my first round of chemo....

This leads me to think that maybe, Harry is having "sympathy" pains, I know my mum has told me that she has. It is funny that he picked up on my poorly tummy which is what I mainly suffer with through chemo. So.... the old tried and tested method of placebos! I will purchase a bottle of vitamin syrup from the pharmacy, ask Glenn to put it in some prescription bags then I will tell him that the doctor has prescribed it for him. It worked just after Christmas and it will possibly work again.

However, I will be booking a doctors appointment for him just to rule out any possible underlying causes but I am positive my placebo will work!

Rings

Not very good pictures, I know but these are my most treasured posessions; my engagement ring, my wedding ring and my eternity ring.

Each ring tells its own story. Each ring marks a stage in my life.

The reason they are not on my fingers, is because my fingers have swelled and they are too tight now. My mother recently had to have her 22 carrot (really thick) ring cut off because of her arthritus and she was gutted at having to damage such a precious thing so I decided to remove mine just in case.

The engagement ring is a cluster of little diamonds, shaped into a flower. A few years ago I paid £100 to have it repaired because the claws had become worn over the ten years I had worn it. The jeweller was happy because, "Its lovely to see jewellry being worn and not kept away".

My wedding ring..... well, I don't have to explain why that is precious do I? 15 years of marriage and 16 years together. We each wear the same style and inside mine there are my husbands initials and the date we were married and inside his are my initials and the date we were married. I remember our honeymoon in Spain were this ring got its first scratch!

The eternity ring was a birthday gift from my husband to me the birthday which followed the birth of our first son Joseff. Joe was about 10 weeks old at the time, my husband misdirected my gaze and as he did so, he put the ring into Joe's lap and there it was in its little packaged box.

The only time I have not been able to wear these rings was when our second son Harry was born. I swelled up so much I just couldn't wear them for the last 6 weeks.

My mum keeps telling me to treat this chemotherapy as a pregnancy, remember what it was like she tells me, there were things you couldn't do then as well. Only at the end of this chemo, I dont get to hold a perfect little baby, I get my life!

Has anyone else had problems with swelling? I dont know if I am just fat or it is indeed the steroids. However, my ring and little fingers on my left hand are near to the veins that were damaged after my second round of Epi-R and I get pains down the fingers too.

Ah well, next time I will tell you the story of how my husband and I got together, thats a good one!

Session 2 - Twilight

Twilight - Stephanie Meyer - I salute you! What an amazing set of books: Twilight, New Moon, New Dawn, Eclipse. They are an amazing story to read, Bella and the gorgeous Edward are just..... well..... you want to BE them!

Anyway, rant over.... Jason ordered the dvd for me from Amazon while we were away the first part of the week and what a coincidence to find that when I got home for my chemo session, the DVD was waiting for me at home. I brought it back to the caravan, amazed at the speed of delivery and the coincidence and we watched it together, my first night back after chemo.

Yeah, first night after chemo - AWFUL! I had the 4 steroid tablets before the chemo was administered because as it enters your system it CAN cause a violent reaction so, my first night was hell. I just couldn't sleep. I was so tired and I couldn't sleep. Jason and I went to bed at 11.30pm and I thought it was morning by 2.30am. After that I was awake on the hour every hour, I forgot my book "The Reader" which Margaret my mum-in-law gave me to help me through and its a good book so I tried to get some sleep. I must have dozed off at around 5.30 then Harry woke me up just before 7am! Children!

So far, I have returned to the caravan without my mobile phone, my wallet, (found a lipstick so am ok), and my book!!!!!!