Race for Life 2010

I took part in the 2008 Race for Lifeand at the time I had no experience with cancer. I didn't really know anyone who had had the disease and at 41 I didn't think I would get it.

I ran for all those who have fought cancer or who are fighting cancer, in particular Mike Peters of The Alarm. He is a two time cancer survivor having fought two types of leukemia in the last 10 or 15 years. I wanted to raise awareness for his charity the Love Hope Strength Foundation so having gotten in touch with Shannon Foley, I received a badge which I placed on my race card along with Mike Peters name and I managed to raise some money for Cancer Research.

A year ago I found a lump in my breast quite by accident. It wasn't a small lump either so I don't know how I missed that. On 4th February 2009 I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Breast Cancer which was hormone and HER2 receptive, in other words - aggressive!

On 13th February my tumour was removed via a lumpectomy and I had a sentinal node biopsy. After many prayers I discovered that the tumour had been removed with a good clear margin and the cancer had not spread to my lymph nodes so no further surgery was necessary. The operation itself was painful as I suffered a large haematoma which took months and months to clear and has stretched the scar so its not as neat as it should be but who am I to complain, they got the cancer out didn't they?!

On 20th March I started my regime of chemotherapy: 4 lots of Epi-Reubison every 3 weeks then 8 lots of CMF week 1, week 2 with a two week break. My veins managed to supply my body with the poisen right up until the end when they collapsed. Then followed radiotherapy. On 2nd October 2009 the most radical part of my treatment was over.

I have herceptin via IV every 3 weeks and regular heart scans, the herceptin carries a risk of heart damage, oh, yes, and I am on tamoxifen for the next 5 years.

Right now my energy is back, I am able to discipline the kids, walk the dogs and run! Wow! How I missed running so much!

So.... this year I have JUST entered the 2010 Race for Life in May! This time I am not only doing it for Mike Peters, I am doing it for ME among a number of my new bloggin/facebook friends!

My sponsorship link is on my blog please, please, please will you sponsor me!

I have benefited from new break throughs in cancer treatment...... the sentinal node biopsies have only been around in the past few years - this has meant that I have my mobility and I am at a lesser risk of developing a painful condition called lympodemia. HERCEPTIN - the wonder drug which targets the HER2 cancer cells..... the new breed of cancer treatment I hope!

MY LAST ROUND OF CHEMO WAS TODAY - WHOOP! WHOOP!

This is the cake I had made for the staff at Wrexham's Shooting Star Unit where I have received my chemotherapy. I ordered it from a local shop called "Sugar and Spice" on Charles Street www.sugarandspice-wrexham.co.uk and he did me proud! Don't let the white icing deceive you, underneath there lies a CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!!!!!!! I had the words of Mike Peters on the cake www.thealarm.co.uk "Love, Hope, Strength" because that is how I cope with my fight.

Can you hear the happiness in my voice? Can you hear it as my fingers dance lively across my keyboard?

My last round of chemo is over! Done, gone, gone forever! Hurray!

My nurse was Sarah and she is so lovely, well they all are! She tried to get a line in my compromised arm but for some reason, failed. The vein they had used last week was still badly bruised. She checked out my other arm and the veins were pretty useless so rather than traumatise me like last week, she called the doctor and he managed to get a line in. Not as gently as most of the nurses I must say, but at least it was in.

Sarah suggested that given my situation I may like to consider a port for my herceptin. She said that my oncologist doesn't normally do ports but she would talk to the doctor and it could be a possibility. I will not deny it because my veins are small and this has been a nightmare.

Sarah was so kind, she pushed the drugs in very slowly so it didn't hit me like a truck like last week. Consequently, I am not feeling as bad as I did this time last week; then I got home and spent the next 24 hours lieing in bed! At least I have felt well enough to lounge around in my PJ's. My tummy hurts so much and my arms and legs are weak but I think my elation of finishing chemo is helping keep the side effects to a minimum.

We went to Sainsburys for a bite to eat post chemo which was nice. We both had the mega all day breakfast which consisted of; 2 eggs (I gave one to Jason), 2 sausages (I gave one to Jason), bacon, mushrooms, tomatoes, beans and chips (fries for you Americans reading this). Yummy!

So my friends....... this chapter is closed and the next one is opening. I just want to thank you all; my friends and family for sticking by me, for all the positive comments which has kept my fire burning. I thank Mike Peters of The Alarm for his inspirational music, which, on my darkest days have helped me to renew the fight.

On a final note..... I thank my brothers Peter and Gareth for being my brothers. Peter and I now share a day in the year......10th September for different reasons. His day took him away from us, my day keeps me with everyone but he is always with me in spirit. I put sunflowers on his grave today post chemo, he was like a sunflower for me... Tall, Strong, Straight and like the sun he shone and will always shine in my heart........

Mouth Ulcers

Before BC, I had been through extensive orthodontic work to correct my front teeth. Luckily, the work was done on the NHS because it was functional rather than cosmetic.

When I was younger, I had an accident which pushed one of my front teeth back. The dentist wouldn't do anything about it and over the years, especially after having children, they became quite bad to the point that I couldn't eat properly.

Over 3 years I had tram line braces and they were taken off at the start of this year just before I found my lump. I was given retainers to wear and I don't mind them at all but since being on chemo I haven't really been able to wear them because of the sore gums etc.

My mouth has become much better since changing chemo so I started to wear my retainers again. However, the ulcers have come back and my gums are much sorer than ever before.

Ah well, trip to the dentist tomorrow then maybe in the new year I can have my veneers done and wear a brand new smile :0)

Post Chemo Melt Down

After Chemo yesterday, Jason and I treated ourselves to a lovely lunch at the Alyn Pub. I had collected loyalty points and so we both had a two course lunch for £6.95 ($4.34). Jason had deep fried black pudding with a chilli sauces on a bed of salad followed by lamb kofta, naan bread, chips (thats fries to you Americans - but these are 1/2" thick), salad and cucumber dip. I had the mushroom soup with fresh roll and breaded skate, with chips (fries) and peas. I passed the roll and half the fish to Jason but enjoyed what I had. I knew I was going to be feeling ill later so it was nice to have "us" time while I was relatively OK.

I did reach burn out by evening though and ended up in floods of tears. My legs and arms became weak, my head buzzed and my whole body felt possessed - weird, I didn't like the sensation and where ever I went I couldn't get comfy. I settled at the dining room table, head on table looking out onto the garden - lovely!

Crying did me so much good though. I went for years without being able to cry but now I can, it is such a healing thing to do. I was crying for feeling useless, ill, feeble - hey - I don't have to spell it out but most of all I just wanted to get out of my body. I didn't want to die, I NEVER want to die, I just wanted to get out of my body....... Has anyone else felt like that?

I didn't get any sleep really. I cuddled with my dogs on the sofa, wrapped up in my blanket and watched a dreadful horror movie which was funny in itself! At about 5am I went back to bed and slept until 7am.

Now.... despite lack of sleep..... despite my digestive discomfort.... I feel good. I think a walk with the dogs to the woods is the order of the day!

The worst part about feeling ill (any illness really) is letting my kids down. Last night, Joe had a kiddie problem with something he had purchase with his pocket money. Jason tried to sort it out for him in a daddy way..... totally different to a mummy way...... and it really spoilt Joe's karma. He ended up crying but I pulled myself together, we talked and I sorted it out for him.

The other day, I don't know if I blogged this or not but Jason was taking Joe out for a bike ride and I had a medical crisis so it had to be cancelled while I either got into see my GP or to hospital. Luckily it was the former and after a very embarressing examination, I was releived to find out that a haemorroid had burst and it wasn't bowel cancer...... its so easy to get paranoid! Joe just couldn't understand the situation and said "but you haven't had chemo today!". Either he doesn't understand the situation or I am doing a stirling job of shielding my kids......is that a good or bad thing?

I really feel as though I have the devil in me at the moment. The mischievious side of me is breaking out and I am itching to have some fun, like the other day at the Grosvenor. Hey, I confessed this to my mum a few weeks ago and we giggled together like children, she said "so you do that too" and I confessed my sins and she said "I thought it was only me, so the Jones' spirit lives on...." I can confirm too that it has gone onto a 3rd generation with Harry, my youngest.

So what devilment can I get up to..... I have had a little bit of fun on Facebook but....... shall I pretend to be depressed at the school fete on Saturday and report back on the reaction????? I will keep you all informed....

Session 6/12: Chemo over for 2 weeks

I woke up this morning like a bear with a sore head. I could feel the tension in every part of my body and I was being completely encompasse in depression.

Parking was a nightmare at Wrexham Hosptial. Again, I said to my husband "they should have designated parking for chemo patients...." He dropped me off while he located a space. He ended up squeezing our little Noddy Mobile into a space which was tiny because somebody had decided to take two spaces for his car!!!!!!!!

As I walked into the hospital I felt so irritated by everything..... the parking, hospital, the rotating bloody doors... everything! As I walked I muttered "I hate this place, I hate smiling, I will not smile, I will not be positive cos I dont want to be". By the time I got to the Shooting Star Unit, my temper was quiet and I was on the road to positivity again.....

Hubbie joined me and made me a lovely cup of tea and then the ordeal began.......

Luckily I was surrounded by positive souls who wanted to chat and smile, the last few times have been awful. The nurse who put my canula in was new to the ward. All the nurses target the vein on the side of my wrist, it is still marked by the last two canulas and I was glad really because the veins on the top of my hand are still sore and bruised from two months ago.

Poor nurse, that vein was "wobbly". "Is that normal?" I asked suddenly starting to envisage my arm turning into a state of jelly. "oh yes, its fine" then the pain....... oh I clutched that comfie chair so hard I swear I left nail holes (well I would have done if my nails hadnt split and had to be cut off). She was so sweet, the vein had wobbled and she couldnt get the line in so lovely Natasha, so gentle, was called and yep, she inserted the canula with a minimal amount of pain and ...... oh ...... thank you Natasha!!!!!!

The rest of the treatment went on just like the previous week...... prickly bottom (like sitting on a hedgehog), heady lightheaded feeling, cold arm, then the pepper up my nose and on my brain!!!!!!!!

However, when I left the hospital I felt chilled, relaxed and back to positive old me again. All done for two weeks, yippeeeeeeee!


I must tell you this story...... The other day, I went out and got all hot and bothered under this scarf of mine so I took it off and the reaction........well........ being the actress that I am, I went along with my new role. I shuffled, looked sad and tired, stumbled a bit and sighed. The response???? It was soooooo funny (am I sick?) I got caring stares and smiles, people were more polite and sympathetic. Me? Oh what jolly good fun I had!!!!!!!!!!

Sess: 5/12 - CMF new chemo regime

One thing I found out from the lecture yesterday was that chemotherapy drugs came about after the second world war when they were trying to find a cure for leukemia which is caused by an overproduction of white blood cells. They realised that during the first world war, when mustard gas was used, the vicitims of the gas attacks had reduced white blood cell counts. They then tried a diluted version of the mustard gas and hey presto.... the start of chemo. This proves my POLLYANNA theory on life..... some good always comes from bad you just have to look for it!

Anyway, back to my original post. I started my new drug regime today of CMF which is a combination of chemo drugs rather than just one. I opted for intravenus anti-sickness again which despite the hedghog syndrome is much better than the pill form.

The drugs are administered in the same way. Hands in hot water, good veing located, canula inserted (owch) then the drugs are syringed into the line one by one. Two are clear and one, small one is bright yellow (good colour for my pandora bracelet!).

I felt quite woozy and my nose felt as though pepper had been blown up it then finally my chest felt as though someone was sitting on it but that was my fault really because I didn't take my ventolin before hand.

I am feeling quite rough at the moment but I can't make out if its the steroids or the chemo. I will take some sleeping pills tonight along with movicol!!!!! and see what tomorrow brings......

Sess 4/12: Getting Good at This!

My little Harry dressed as a Knight on holiday in Cornwall, Aug 2009

I am getting good at this blogging business... to think that I was scared of computers! Now, if I had never got breast cancer, I would not have learnt how to do this. I woke up today thinking how much I was missing swimming and running but I will do that again, in October and for now I am reading, blogging and having fun in different ways.

My philosophy on life is that no matter how bad things get, no matter what bad things happen to you, there is always something positive. I call it "my PollyAnna Syndrome" - always look for the good in the bad.

I have made so many friends whilst blogging, people who I have never met in person but who brighten my life and make me smile and giggle. I am going to list all the things I am doing which I wouldn't be doing if I hadn't got cancer

1. Dog training with Wilbur: Its such fun and has changed the dynamics of our "pack"

2. Included my hubbie in dealing with my childrens disabilities. Its great not being a lone crusader!

3. Reading: have read so many good books, its great. I will try to put some on this blog

4. Blogging: I was too scared to do this before but now it is so much fun and theraputic

5. I have made great friends who are a tremendous support

6. I actually stop these days and take time to watch the birds and the bees (forget the pun)

7. Have the Gathering 2010 planned and I wouldn't have bought tickets if I hadnt got cancer

8. Reviewing books which is great fun and I am part of the Amazon Vine programme

9. I am learning to ask for help when I need it and not do everything myself

10. I am thoroughly enjoying my rabbits and guineapigs, they are such good fun

11. I am signed up to the Shrewsbury Relay for Life as a Survivor on 12th Sept 2009

Keep watching this blog, I may yet add to the list of things I am doing that I wouldn't have done if I hadn't got breast cancer!

Its a cold day here in North Wales but at least the rain has stopped. My dogs are worrying about the bread I have just put on the bird table, they watch it like hawkes, willing the birds to drop their bounty. Its quite funny really because they work as a team, Pickles at one side of the bird table and Wilbur at the other! I am so lucky to live where I do because we are surrounded by trees and birds. Some times I clamber into Harrys bed which is raised up high and watch the trees sway in the wind, it is very theraputic.

So, my chemo symptoms are none existant for the moment except for the tiredness. More chemo on Thursday though but its a different type, fingers crossed the CMF spares my digestive system!

Oh, and I know I have shared my pandora bracelet with you all before, well, I wanted to show you my latest bead which my mother in law Margaret bought me yesterday to mark the start of the new type of chemo...... its a cute ikkle rabbit!