My Adopted Word is...... HAMSTERS

Actor: Stephen Fry supporting I-Can's "Adopt a Word" Scheme

Both of my children have had, have "speech, language and communication" problems. They have received therapy at different levels and still have professional input in their lives.

When I was baptised into the realms of SLCD it was a complete shock for me. I have always been an excellant communicator, indeed, my apraisals regularly commended me for "being able to communicate on all levels..." what this meant was, as my job as a buyer I was able to speak to production line workers and company directors alike, achieving my objectives with success.

I got good grades in English Literature and English Language, I have always loved to read and write so this disorder was a culture shock.

One cannot imagine how awful it is not to be able to communicate. This is how it affects you;

1. You don't "get" the subtle jokes

2. You can't express how you are feeling

3. You have great ideas in your head but you just cant make people understand[

4. You know what you mean, why doesnt anyone else

Oh, I could go on and on and on.......

I have adopted the word "hamsters" because my boys hamsters, Penny and Blossom are important to them. Their hamsters understand them without question and they understand their hamsters.

As an adoptive "parent" of the word hamsters, I have to exercise the word on a regular basis. So fellow bloggers, look forward to hamsters appearing on my blog now and again.

Nearly all Over - Happy Wedding Anniversary!

Above is a picture of my teal nail polish (don't look at the dust!). Teal toe nails to raise awareness of Ovarian Cancer. Painted toe nails willl follow. I purchased that after chemo today.

As I sit here, I am ready to fall asleep. Chemo has started to have its affect on me. It wasn't a good day for me today. My veins had shut down. They could get a canula in but they couldn't push it further enough for chemo. In the end the decision was made to use my "affected" arm but at that point I was practically begging them to do that anyway. So the visit took longer than usual, was more painful and it upset me more than I can say. Little did I know 15 years ago as I made my vows before God and Vicar David that I would be having chemo in my fight against cancer. This time 15 years ago we were having our photographs taken....

The wild flowers which Harry brought for me. He even found the jug and put them by my bed. You see there the teal nail polish - Ovarian Cancer Awareness. He is such a thoughtful child. I told him I had chemo today and he couldn't understand that I had to have medicine to make me ill, to make me better! Logic.

Penny; Harrys Russian Dwarf Hamster. He yes I know, Penny is technically a girls name BUT Harry wanted to call him this because when he had him he was as tiny as a penny piece, anywat, Penny is only tiny and is quite old in hamster terms. He was destined for Harry as he knows no fear. The other night, Harry told me he loved me more than anything in the whole world...... and Penny but he loved me more than Penny. So there you are, I am ranked in with a Russian Dwarf Hamster!

So.... I am not feeling too good today, not a good experience but next week will be the last. However, I am happy to have had 15 happy years of marriage to my wonderful husband who has supported me throughout this awful war against cancer.

Session 3/12: I must be radio-active!!!! lol

I MUST be radio-active because EVERYONE keeps telling me I am glowing! If I get any more "glowing" comments, I swear, there will be a nuclear reaction!! lol

The glamorous picture above is a lady I have the privelage of knowing through Weight Watchers. Her name is Helen, she is the same age as me, 42, and is fighting MS. In order to raise money for MS during MS Awareness week, Helen is going to parachute jump tomorrow - May 2nd - What a brave lady! Awesome! She is one of the most positive and up beat people I have met and a joy to know.

Anyway, day one after chemo. Took some sleeping pills last night and although my sleep was disturbed because of the steroids, it was better than before. Woke up feeling great and managed to visit Weight Watchers to wish Helen good luck for tomorrow (hence more glowing comments) then I was laid up in bed for a few hours.

We are burying Mouse and Spangles today. I took Joe to the Grosvenor Garden Centre and he chose a variagated Ceanothis to mark the spot. We are burying them in a place where he can see from his bedroom window and the flowers will bloom this time of year to help him remember his little friend xxx

Session 3/12: Nearly at the End of Epi-R !!!!

I chose this picture today because I love trees, trees signify life. Life lives on them and through them, ever changing through the seasons.

I had my 3rd session of Epi-Reubison today. I decided to wear a red turban to match the colour of the evil drug! They had trouble getting a vein last time so I had a hot bath before going then put on some gloves to keep my hands warm. They were pleased with the information leaflets I gave them on SUBURBAN TURBAN the company I bought my turbans off. Everyone keeps saying how pretty I look in them and how glowing I am, its nice to let other cancer fighters have the opportunity to look good too.

I was really nervous about today because my veins are still sore. My arm feels as though I have done 100 bicep curls with a 5kg weight!

My blood count was down again so I had to have the count confirmed before they could go ahead with the chemo and that delayed things. Anyway, it had come up sufficiently to continue treatment. My nurse today was Natalie, only a young girl, very pretty and bubbly, I liked her and although she chose the vein on my wrist which blew last time she was confident and did the job ok.

When the poisen first entered my blood stream I felt nausious but I combatted that by talking to Natalie and smiling, it helps. She kept checking that the poisen was going in correctly which helped my peace of mind. I also noticed a tingling effect in my mouth which was a bit like eating "moon dust" - does anyone remember that? Then my asthma kicked in slightly but not enough to take ventolin just yet.

The lady next to me was 2 years younger than me and had had a mastectomy, I remember seeing her in clinic post op when I was going for a wig fitting. It was her first chemo session and when Natalie put the canula in and explained the treatment, she burst into tears. I wanted to go over there and give her a hug, I wanted to tell her that it wasnt so bad but couldnt because she seemed so self concious. I am lucky that I am facing my fight with such a positive attitude, this situation showed me today how positive I am and didnt realise it.

Joe has made a little plaster caste of his hamsters paw, I helped him to do it after school. Spangles is now neatly contained in a small cardboard box together with some hamster food, a mint tic tac and some bedding. RIP Spangles. His friends at school made him a card and all signed it.......and he says he has no friends..........

Session 2 of 12: Mouse & Spangles RIP

Oh what a day!

Let me first start by saying how today was the first day I have woken up feeling "normal" with "normal" energy levels and guess what? Yes, more chemo tomorrow!!!!! Ah well such is life.

Lots of people are telling me how well I look and how glowing I am. Do they expect me to look as though I am on my last legs?! Actually, I am one of those rare people who look well when they feel ill, also, I am a great believer in putting on a show. My makeup goes on, along with my perfume then the second I leave the house.... its SHOW TIME! Thats why I found losing my hair so tough, because I couldn't hide anymore.

Today is sad for our family because we lost two of our family members.

The first was one of our guineapigs called Mouse. He was 4 years old, brindle brown smooth and had a gentle personality. He was a hit with the neighbours kids! I got him from Pets at Home when he was young. He had escapted from his pen and broken his front paw so they couldn't sell him so they wanted to find him a loving home and he got me. I knew he hadn't been well for a while. He lost weight rapidly which lead to me bringing him into the house a month ago and feeding him on a special diet, extra vitamins and food. His weight went back up to normal but things weren't right so I took him to the vet. Turns out that little Mouse was a cancer fighter too but his tumour was internal and was causing him pain. No chemo for guineapigs so I decided that it was time to say goodbye.

Spangles was a Syrian Hamster belonging to my oldest son Joe. Spangles lived in his bedroom and he took great care of her. He struggles with friends at school and he told me today how she was his only friend. She was 16 months old and had a womb infection. We took her to the vets on Monday and tried antibiotics but by this morning she had deteriated. I explained to Joe how it wasn't fair to let her suffer if she was dieing. After school, I found Joe holding Spangles with tears rolling down his cheeks and he told me that he thought it was time for Spangles to go. I took them both to the vets and it was all over peacefully.

We have decided to bury Spangles and Mouse together and we will buy a plant to put over their grave.

What a tough day......