Wednesday, 1 July 2009

The Gift of Insomnia

It is 4.30am and I cannot sleep. I haven't been asleep since around 3am with thoughts racing around in my head. Not bad thoughts, just ideas. When H-Bomb exploded into my bed, my husband woke and tried to encourage him back to his own bed "leave him" I whispered, there was no point for I was already awake and sleep was just not returning.

Harry put his little arm around me and I thought of hands. How little, soft and perfect his hands are. Then I thought of my later brother Peters hands when I saw him in the funeral parlour almost 19 years ago. How big, strong and cold they were. The connection there I think is because Harry reminds me so much of my brother. My trail of thought then led to cancer and my questioning of "why me?". I then concluded that it was not my "place" to question but to accept, deal with it then when the time is right.... move on. I don't know "why me" but I know that I have been given it for a reason and it will make me stronger in the long run. Then comes the connection with the hands. Jesus was nailed to the cross, oh the pain.... I just can't imagine it. He did not question his destiny, He accepted, dealt with it and moved on.... (I hasten to add at this point that I don't intend to move on the way Jesus did, not yet anyway).

So why the picture of the Hedgehog? Cute little fella!

I couldn't sleep and with the windows open, the Dawn Chorus of the birds was calling to me. I moved to the bathroom which is at the front of my house and looks onto our quiet little cul-de-sac, I opened the window wide and drank in the morning air. The clouds were so beautiful and the birds sang the most wonderful song in the whole world.

What a sight I must have looked with my bald head stuck out of my wide open bathroom window! The whole cul-de-sac asleep and oblivious to my presence.

They weren't the only ones! First came my neighbours very old cat called Bearle. He came from the direction of the fields so I called his name gently and he looked at me, miawed a welcome and came to say hello (as well as he could do with me up in the bathroom window and him down below). He must have settled to sit by my front door but the roof obscured my view.

Then, it happened.

I don't know where he came from but he did..... It was my fox! In an earlier blog I mentioned how nice it was to listen to the bark of the fox again but this time.... after years of trying to see him..... I did!!!!!! He was oblivious to my presence as he went about his business with a graceful, fluid pace. I could barely contain my delight...... He must have walked past Bearle and into the dawn.

That was not all........... A little fat body trundled from nowhere into my view...... it was a hedgehog. Following in the footsteps of the fox.........

At this point, my mouth was open wide and I had to stifle my chuckles of pure delight.

I decided just how lucky I am to be alive.

How lucky I am to be able to see, hear and smell (just about, with hayfever) and then I thought "what a gift insomnia can be...."


  1. Sara what a lovely blog. I love the Hedgehog & the Fox.

    I don't remember the last time I had a full nights sleep in my bed yet I doze off anywhere.
    Like you I look out the windows, see my neighbours cat, listen to the insane Robins chirpping, you can't help but smile!!

  2. I think you're absolutely right to embrace insomnia, rather than lying in bed thinking "why can't I sleep?" which is what I. foolishly, tend to do. I might see the odd urban fox if I'm lucky!

  3. I loved your post today. I also deal with insomnia and just lay there trying to sleep. Guess, I'll try getting up and looking out the window. I just might be surprised!! Thanks for sharing.

  4. The gift of insomnia...instead of fighting it you embraced it and discovered some wonderful gifts. Our thoughts go to some cold, dark places when we can't sleep. And asking why? You're right...sometimes we simply have to accept. Wishing you a blessed, peaceful day.

  5. Hi Sara, thanks for sharing that. You are so positive to turn insomnia into something so beautiful! It sounds like such a lovely place, where you live. Wishing you some sleep for tonight...

  6. I used to lay awake listening to the night sounds, the winter wind, and my husband's breathing, and the whirs of the house, and all. I like it. My wide awake nights gave me a chance to really pray.


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