Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Session 3/12: Overwhelmed

Thats how I felt yesterday.

My ten year old son is having problems with my best friends adopted daughter, also ten. Last night my friend went on about it to the point that I just felt overwhelmed by my life.

The last ten years I have dealt with speech & language therapists, worried myself sick about delayed language, delayed reading, trying my best to get help for my son. I have a second son, I get no (and I mean no) sleep for three years, he has severe colic, he has delayed speech & language, I find out that he is autistic, I have challenging behaviour to deal with, sleepless nights, a full on war with the education system to get him support in the class room. On top of this I worry myself sick about their social skills (or lack of them).

Then.... just when I thought I was getting there... I get breast cancer.

So.... I don't need to my childrens problems highlighted. Last night, I felt as though it was all too much and I didn't feel depressed or sad persay, I just felt overwhelmed by the reality that is my life. For the first time in 10 years I felt as though it was all too much to deal with.

My husband is going back to work next week. His employers have been fabulous and he will be returning on reduced hours. The children are off school, I will be recovering from chemo and I am a bit worried about how things are going to be.

I saw my oncologist yesterday and I got a full check up and was dismissed with a clean bill of health. My veins are ok (still really sore) but I have my last lot of epi-reubison which aggrivates the veins. Hopefully my hair will start to grow back too when I am on CMF and I am praying for that with all my heart. I just want to run my fingers through my hair!!!!

My sons birthday party tonight, that will be something to look forward to. He is so excited and we have bought him a Star Wars cake, he is obsessed by Star Wars.


  1. Sara sometimes others have as much sensitivity towards others as hitting your head on a brick wall. I used to have a friend like that too. Going on and on non stop until I finally blew my cool. After all the things you have on your plate, and still do it's not nagging you need but some understanding and she needs to deal with the situation and let you have some breathing space.
    People can be so oblivious if it isn't about them..
    You are a woman with a lot of strength & courage, but take care of YOU the rest will work itself out my dear...

  2. I understand this so well Sara. I talked about this on a blog post a few weeks ago...how people will kick you when you are down. Lack of sensitivity? Or a spot to poke when you are vulnerable which makes the other person "feel better". Sometimes people mask this in the guise of "trying to help". And I'm sorry that you had to go through this with your friend. Strangely one of the best things about cancer was the opportunity to realize exactly who my friends were..and who weren't. And then I made the decision that was best for me, for my well being and restricted my time to only those who I could be myself with, those who accepted me (and my family) as we were.

    Now, no more stressing over this friend who may have meant well but obviously has her own issues to deal with. And you don't need to deal with them. I'm going to make a guess here that you have always been the friend who has made her life easier, has been a huge support to her and she likes the relationship that way. Maybe I'm way off base but it's not unusual for this to happen.

    I think that you will do well with the chemo and the boys at home. Explaining to them that they need to help you and give them some of the responsibility for amusing themselves might give you a hand with that. Our children are capable of great things when we least expect it. ♥

  3. Sounds like a similar theme to my last blog post about compassion.

    Some people just focus on the negative.

    But, in this post I saw something..."clean bill of health"!!!!!!

    This is so good! And yeah, your hair will grow back and fast!

    You are getting through, you will be strong and healthy

    As to this "friend" isn't it things like this that helps you know who you can depend on.


  4. Sara, my heart goes out to you. Dealing with our own issues is one thing, dealing with a childs is something else entirely - it for sure taps into a very deep place in our souls. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with these issues, and I pray that there is some resolution with the school system soon! I am also praying that you wake soon with a full, luxurious head of hair!

    Happy Birthday to your son!

  5. Yikes hon!! I posted about this yesterday - the overwhelmed thing. As I often find.. just when I think I am ovewhelmed I read a post like yours. Sending you energy and a bit of calm hon!! Namaste and hugs, Sarah

  6. Sara, I have been there ... just overwhelmed with life and all ... take time for yourself. Make some time if you have to.

    All the best,

  7. Thinking of you Sara, you will come through this and so will your boys! Sending you lots of butterfly thoughts, keep strong. Sharon xxx

  8. What can I add? Only that asking your children for help can be amazing for all of you. My two are older than yours (12 and 14) but i really struggled to overcome the urge to protect them from everything, and when I started to ask them for help - just little things, "I could do with a cup of tea" or "will you walk round the park with me?" - ut was good for all of us.
    Be well. I am thinking of you.

  9. You know, even when we are at our best, sometimes life gets overwhelming. When we are less than at our best, it can seem over-overwhelming. Moms can be overprotective and prickly. I hope that your friend settles down, and I hope that your day is better today.


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