Well, I was so nervous today. Usual symptoms; slight nausia, tight tummy, tense neck, unable to speak ...... I don't know why I was so nervous because everyone has assured me that it isn't anywhere near as bad as chemotherapy.
We got to Glan Clwyd Hospital Cancer Unit with quarter of an hour to spare. I felt quite emotional because it was alot busier than last week when I went for my preparation appointment with people buzzing around.
I was called in early to go through what was going to happen then given this wonderful (not) gown which is mine for a whole three weeks - yipee do! Got changed, put my clothes in a shopping basket then waited.....
I felt a whole range of emotions as I waited...... For the first time I realised that it was me with cancer, yes me! Incredulous! Cancer, cancer, cancer ..... the big C - me? Yes ME! Amazing!!!!!
I think it was the fact that everyone in this hospital was here for the same thing, we are all part of the same club, we bat for the s
ame team....... cancer, bloody cancer! I was overwhelmed and I really, really, really wanted to hand my membership in.... don't want to be part of this club but ooops..... no choice, once you are picked for team cancer - thats it you are in!
ame team....... cancer, bloody cancer! I was overwhelmed and I really, really, really wanted to hand my membership in.... don't want to be part of this club but ooops..... no choice, once you are picked for team cancer - thats it you are in!The process itself was really quick. The ceilings had mood changing lights and music played. The machine itself had lines projecting onto my body which were a wonderful shade of lime green. Click, click, click, click.... over and done and home I went.
Did I mention that my Robin Red Breast visited me this morning for the first time in months? He jumped onto my Kilmarnock Willow, chirped then flew away. Peters message.....
I'm glad you had Peter's message today!!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, that's exactly how radiation felt to me...it was such an "in my face" affirmation that I had cancer. Chemo -- once every three weeks. Radiation?? EVERY day 5 days a week for 6 weeks...ugh!! And the hospital I had mine at was ALL cancer, all the time...it became a little overwhelming to say the least.
But the actual time you are on the table is so short...that's the plus!!!! ♥
Hi Sara
ReplyDeleteYou are right about cancer being in your face, so true, it does hit us. It happened to me today while I was getting the pet scan.....yeah, I got cancer....
Its all weird how things happen and how we see things, our denial, to our acceptance, at times, I still think its a bad dream and that one day I will wake up and it will be all gone.
I am thinking of you during your radiation
All the best to you my dear Sara
Wow, I don't start radiation for another 2 weeks, quick start for you... I guess I've put it out of my mind a bit, because I am sick of everything cancer and want to do normal things, and I never even thought how that will hit me once I start going there everyday. I'm starting to be scared of meeting people who have cancer, because I just met a woman my age with young children who dealt with all of this 6 years ago but now has a reoccurrence (mets to her bones) and that is so scary... I can't even think about that kind of stuff.
ReplyDeleteI think there's something about the fact that radiotherapy makes it really difficult for you to do anything except have cancer, too. At least with chemo there are days when you can forget about being on the team.
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