Thursday, 29 October 2009

Its a BLUE day

Today is a BLUE day for me. This means that I am weeping at the slightest thing.

I am battling with these side effects of tamoxifen, swollen fingers.... even my 3rd wedding ring is too tight now. I am bloated all over and despite watching what I eat I am gaining weight. I have never in my entire life been this unfit or over weight and its torturing me.

I have been trying to get in touch with the MacMillan Breast Cancer Nurses at the Shooting Star Unit all week to try and get some reassurance that all this will pass, this will not be my life for the next 5 years because I just can't bear it.

I am over whelmed by my cancer fight today. I am fed up to the back teeth of what cancer has done to my body, of what it has done to me physically and emotionally.

Today is a BLUE day but I think that tomorrow will be pink..... lets hope so hey?


  1. This too shall past, this too shall pass.Tomorrow will be pink.

  2. It can be blue for however it long it needs to be blue. How you are feeling right now? N.O.R.M.A.L. It isn't just the weight or what cancer and it's treatment has done to your's what I call "post traumatic stress". I had it. I felt like I'd hit a wall when my treatment was over and I was entering the herceptin stage. Almost finished but not quite. I saw my doctor and started taking Effexor which was a huge plus -- and I'm still taking it. Tried a few months without it and you know what? I'm happier back on it. Think about what you have been through emotionally in the last year -- how you kept going and going with a goal in sight. Now you have reached the goal (almost!) and you are done in. Little wonder you are blue and there are tears. Let 'em all out Sara. It's toxic waste that needs to leave your body. And I do hope you manage to speak with the nurses at the unit -- I think they will tell you much the same thing. (((((((((((hugs)))))))))

  3. Oh Sara, grief and fear become the norm with this diagnosis. As terrible as you feel, you have to get this out and deal with it. It will pass, as Sue says. Everything takes so much time.

    I'm having a blue day too so I'll join you :( I can tell you that tamoxifen is a nasty drug. I take it and I frankly feel like sh*t all the time. I can't stand the weight gain, I can't get rid of it and I don't even want to look in the mirror any more.

    I feel your pain. I really do.
    Virtual hugs,

  4. Sara, I hope you feel better soon..
    Cancer brings so much grief and emotional moments, fear, frustration, tears, anger

  5. My thoughts are with you, Sara.
    You'll get through this and be laughing soon.
    Bon courage.

  6. Pink days are just around the corner. My husband had taxol on Tuesday and he is having pain in all his joints today. Hopefully that will not be with him too long. We will pray for your happiness and health to return to you, Sara.

    Best wishes from Barry and Linda

  7. Your messages of support mean so much to me and it makes a difference to be talking to people who know what this feels like. The doctors are only interested in stuffing the drugs into your body and they dont seem to care about how you are feeling emotionally and physically. I am in the PINK today!


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