Life is Amazing!

(Click on images to enlarge)

Christmas always awakens a whole range of emotions for me. I love Christmas, don't get me wrong, its got to be the best time of year, I love it but I do get swamped with alsorts of feelings and emotions and occasionally I feel overwhelmed.

I saw my eldest son Joseff perform his last ever Christmas play in primary school. I have known all of his classmates since they were babies and it was so strange seeing them up there on stage performing their hearts out. The picture above is of me and Joseff, I think he was only a few weeks old in the picture. When he was born, I considered myself the luckiest person in the whole world. I had been on fertility treatment for years and had almost given up hope of having children when he came along.

Joseff had his Christening in Gresford Parish Church on 27th December 1998 aged 10 weeks old. From left to right: Julie, Angela, Me & Joe, Jason, Amanda & Kieran and Karl.

Keiran is now a strapping young man!

I can't begin to describe how exhilerated and wonderful I felt when this photo was taken. Joseff had only just been born and I couldn't wait to get him back in my arms again. He was born in the early hours of the morning following just 2 hours of labour. We both went into shock but he was born safely just as the doctors arrived. I remember going onto the ward with him and just staring at him for hours.

Harry didn't like Father Christmas when he was 2 years old. He just wanted to grab his present and go! I love this photo so much! I wish I had known about his condition then, maybe I would have considered the impact of Father Christmas a little more and been a bit more sympathetic to his very real fear.

Harry loved Buzz Lightyear, he was his favourite toy for a long time until eventually he did actually fall apart. I remember clearly the day he preteneded to be Buzz in Dodleston Park. He was on a climbing frame, about 4ft in the air when I saw him press his imaginary button, make all the right sounds before his jump..... Luckily we got to him in time and disaster was avoided. Harry always gets into character when he is playing, he BECOMES the person he is playing which sounds cute but not when it involves flying, jumping and other dangerous activities.





This time of year I think about my loved ones. Dear Peter, forever 25. Last night I watched the Royal Variety Performance on TV and Bette Midler performed "Wind Beneath my Wings". I cried my heart out because I used to play that after Peter died, it says everything about how I felt about him because he was my heroe I used to idolise him.

Today is the 20th anniversary of my Nains death. She was a remarkable lady, with a beautiful face, equally beautiful smile and a twinkle in her eye.

Life is pretty amazing really. Yes, I have lost loved ones tragically, yes I have been through fertility treatment and miscarriage, I have children with speech & communication difficulties and one who is autistic and I have just battled breast cancer. However, each of these situations has made me the person I am today. I am proud and so glad to have been able to know my Nain, I am so lucky to have had such a devoted big brother in Peter. No matter what the ever lasting pain of their loss has inflicted on me, it was worth the honour and privelage of having them in my life. I am lucky to still have mum and dad in my life and a lovely little brother, Gareth not to mention my Auntie Heather and Uncle Phil.

So.... against all odds, I have it all. I wonderful husband and two glorious boys. I have fought cancer and will continue to do so because I intend to be around for many years to come. Life has so much to offer and I am currently just deciding what I am going to do with it. There was a time that I dreaded feeling this happy because something always happened to snatch my happiness away..... I don't think anything will happen this time, I have a feeling in my heart.

My plans for the future include practicing Reiki, running to raise money for cancer research and autism, opening a dog grooming salon and God willing..... becoming a Nain x

A Miracle Happened

I have purchased a new scanner and have been busily scanning old photos (yet another thing I wouldn't have done if it weren't for Breast Cancer!). Pictured above is my first dog Bobbi. She died 10 years ago this coming August. She had leukemia and she was 5 years old.

Bob was my life. She got me through the most difficult times in my life when I felt so desolate and lonely. The walks we had through Darland Woods, me offering her my heart and her accepting, always doing funny things to make me smile. Eventually, after 5 years, the fertility treatment worked and I was blessed with my eldest son Joe. Bobbi even got me through labour which was fast and intense. No breaks in pain, just 2 hours of PAIN! She threw balls for me when I tried to bathe waiting for my husband to come home and followed me around like a shadow. We only just made it to the hospital in time because I insisted she be left with my mum just in case the labour went on too long. Half hour later, Joe was born!

She was with me throught the night feeds, always invisably attached to my leg! Imagine, having everything you want in this world..... a fantastic husband, nice home, the baby you always longed for and the dog you wished for when you were 8 years old then to find that it was all going to end... just like that.

I always called Bobbi "my gift from God" or "my wish come true" because when I was a child I prayed for a dog all of my own. It would be a girl, small and scruffy and she would want just me. Bob was all of those things and more.

I think that when her job was done with me (and that was to get me through the baron years) she was called back. Since my cancer diagnosis, I have felt Bobbi so close to me I can practically smell her and feel her hair in my hands. She was a miracle.

Talking of miracles, another one happened yesterday. As you know, post chemo, steroids out of my system, I was so tired I could barely speak coherently, could hardly walk but still kept fighting on which in itself is really hard to do. I found out about the neighbours plans on face book so I actually posted a comment myself hoping that my neighbours remembered that I was still fighting cancer....

The close remained quiet....... Having viewed FB it seems the party was taken elsewhere, not far but the house is on the main lane and detached....... Did they do this because of my comment? Did they do this because they actually considered me? I don't know and I never will. Sadly though the gesture was spoilt by a barbed comment this morning "great time, no complaints..."

Whatever miracles happen in life, I am just so happy that they happen, especially last night!